I've been working in the NICU for only 2 weeks now. I'm going to be on orientation until the beginning of the new year. They are assigning me patients gradually from "easy nicu" to "intense." I only got my first ETT patient last week! I'm grateful I feel I know the basics like the tubing for different feeds, how to work the pumps, etc. I am very nervous about the ETT.
On a larger note, I am feeling very depressed and suicidal again. I dread work and have been lying in bed again. This is exactly what happened when I worked with adults...and when I switched to my current hospital for the first time. This sucks that this seems to be my consistent reaction to switching jobs. It seems like every time that happens, I'm going to be depressed. Luckily, it did get somewhat better last time...but it never truly went away. I was reading my "first year of nursing" story and I was writing about being suicidal like 11 months in. I guess I'm kind of screwed in that sense.
I am only going to work in this NICU for a year tbh. After this I'm going to take a break to travel...then do travel nursing. I feel a little better that there's an end date to this heartbreaking madness. Like I'm only going to be in this position for a year...but still A YEAR OF MY LIFE is precious and a long time to be miserable. I am going to still travel this year (to smaller places). Traveling this summer kept me sane and helped me feel like I had an outside life. It also made me appreciate nursing because there aren't many jobs where you can jet off for like 6 days without taking off. I am appreciative of that.
Next November/December I'm going to spend like 2 weeks in London/Amsterdam. That's what I need. I just need to leave this country for a little bit. It's been my dream for so so long to go there. I will hit my 2 year mark of nursing this February so staying in bedside nursing until next November is very nice of me considering I hate this job with all my soul. But at least there's an end date!
And to specify it's not NICU nursing that I really hate. It's inpatient nursing I hate. I hate it so much because it's stressful. People blame nursing for everything. I also just don't care about what I do. It brings me zero satisfaction or joy. I love children, but I don't love taking care of obnoxious parents. If I could take care of this kids without the parents that would be amazing!
Anyway, I'm trying to distract myself from the fact I hate my job by focusing on other things. I want to get in shape this year. I want to obtain my CPN and NRP credentials. I also want to fit some traveling in since I should still be able to get off if I work full-time (though, you know those stupid shits will try to deny me anyway)
Honestly, fuck inpatient nursing. After this year I will never never do this shit AGAIN (at least as a staff nurse)!
<3
Annie 💜
YOU ARE READING
My First Year of NICU Nursing!
Non-FictionSimilar to my "First Year of Nursing" story, this will be updates about my first year being a Neonatal Intensive Care nurse. I'm excited to be starting my journey in such a wonderful field!!
