chapter 4

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"baby don't say like that, me meeting you three years was the biggest bliss of my life" Zhan said.

"But then why does God take everything away from me. Why, why Baba why. If I will be happy for some time then he gives a lot of sadness for me. Why is it me who has to see others having there happy family time but here I am seeing you showing me your fake smile to keep me happy. Why do I have to see the person I love most in the entire world cry every night. Why Baba why. Then I have to fake if that if I say I saw it then you will just give me some other reason. Baba I want a happy family too. I want to see you smile and laugh from heart Baba please." A-yuan said crying.

"I am sorry baby, sorry I did not know I had hurt you so much. I love you. Yibo and you are my life . I wanna give you a happy family too but if I do It will only be for a short time.and after that there will be heart break." Zhan said. He was also crying. He had dreams of a happy family too.

He had imagined that he and yibo will get married one day. They will have a child like A-yuan. Who they will give there all love. Then they will have a sweet couple fights and then in the end of the day forgive eachother. Cuddle to sleep. Then he will be the one manage the finance of the house. He will look after the house and then when yibo returns home giving him food. Then feeding there kid. If they go out of home showing how much they loved eachother. Always having family dinner in Sunday's. But all just broke that day.

"Don't worry baby next life. We will definitely have our happy family. We will definitely stay together. In that life A-yuan will be born from this tummy. Next life A-yuan can show everyone that he has the happiest family in the world" Zhan said.

"Promise me Baba in next life I will be your child. Promise me that you will be my Baba and not anyone else. Promise me that in next life you will be with me. Cause no matter how many life's I get I wanna be Baba's baby."

"I promise" Zhan said and hugged him tight. "I promise, I promise, I promise baby" Zhan kept mumbling.

"And I promise even if Baba is not there you will not lack anything" Zhan said. To the sleeping A-yuan who had slept from the warmth of the hug.

I wish, how I wish I could give my baby a happy family but if I do then what will happen  after I. No, no, no I won't let that happen. I can't be selfish. I can't, I can't . He hates me I know he hates me. He has to hate me. He will be happy if he hates me. Zhan you have to stay away from yibo. He hates you right now let it be like that.

But I wanna see him again. Hug him, kiss him, tell him how much I love him. I wanna tell him how much I miss cuddling him. How much I miss his touches. Why God why, why do you hate me so much. Why don't you wanna see me happy.

When A-yuan said those things do you know how I felt. I felt like I was stabbed for 10000 times in the same place. I felt like a useless Baba who could not even fulfill his child's wish. I wish I could but I cannot do it. I just can't.

But God please listen to my wish. In my next life I will have my happy family.

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