I'm fashionably late to loving myself

do i still look lovable to you

i am failing,

slipping away as i start to rot in my head;

my image appears twisted,

smoke coming out of my lungs,

the words i utter are laced with poison.

the only trait i thought made me lovable,

the absence of it

has turned my body to black tar.

i have stopped comforting

people who complain

about the unfair dealings of life,

my pride of being able to

view life in more shades than black and white

is now crumpled up, stepped on multiple times.

i thought i loved myself enough,

through all thick and thin,

that i could offer myself compassion

but instead i am tumbling around

carrying the weight of my emotional turmoil

on my back shamefully.

do i look adorable to you?

do i look like i can be loved?

it is true after all,

that the compassion i can offer

to another, is a mirror

to the compassion i can muster

for myself.

so now, i am contemplating

if i should be kinder to myself first..

..<3