Empire State of Mind

5. Pacemaker

I kick the wall for the 37th time, "Stop having feelings!" I snap at myself.

He won't get out of my damn head.

Jay, Jaylen, his kiss, his touch, the stupid morning voice, how his hands wrapped around me all night long, how- even in the late morning- he never moved.

Dammit!

I need a spa day, I need something to get that stupid fuckboy out of my head.

I can't even sleep! Its 5 am on Monday and I have to be at school at 6:20, why did I kiss him.

Why did I have to enjoy it.

Why the hell do I crave more.

Fuck it, get dressed, look pretty. Do I look okay?

Stop it Jess. He doesn't care about you.

Or does he?

"He never makes the first move"

"You're different"

"I want to know what happened in New York"

They've been pushing us together since the beginning, but no. I refuse. He doesn't care.

He doesn't care.

I got dressed, breakfast, Chris.

"Chris! We're late!" I call.

"Chris!" I yell.

"Jesus Christ," I mutter, "CHRIS!"

He opens the door, a dorky smile on his face.

God it's been a confusing past few hours, "Wait? Hold on, it's not 11am yet, you haven't eaten, it's early, we have school and you're smiling? Honestly dude, never thought I'd see the day."

"And I never thought I'd see the day where I get to go on a date with Rylie," he smiles, giving me a wink, "we stayed up all night together, talking with quotations."

I push his shoulder playfully back, "You nerd, and here I thought I was the bad child."

"Partners in crime sister," he gives me a chefs kiss.

"Partners in crime," I nod.

We both giggle, mom stepping into the kitchen, "Well, aren't you two a bundle of joy this morning."

"Oh yeah, Jess, I need you to walk me around the east wing for first period, my teacher couldn't find a sub so we get an extra free period," Chris smiles, nudging me, "I get to meet your friends."

I giggle, "Greattt." I give him a fake eye roll.

Mom laughs, "Well, I feel like I never see you two. I'm glad you're having a fun time. It's quite the adjustment from New York."

I give her a smaller smile than I gave Chris, but it was still warm.

She gave me the same look back, taking a deep breath, "Coffee?"

I shake my head, "I've already had some. We should get to school too. I'll uh, see you sometime this month," I give her an awkward wave, hoping she didn't take my joke too seriously.

She nods, waving back.

I walk into the door of our room, flopping onto my usual beanbag, "Hey!" I smile.

"Jess!" April hugs me, "How was the rest of your weekend?" I get a small nudge.

"It was great, I just hung out, alone, by myself, on my porch," I smile at her, hiding a flush, "Oh yeah, this is my brother Chris!"