Resurrect me

Chapter Eight

James Potter gently pulled his arm out from under where his family were lying and sat up in the morning light.
They'd cleared four bedrooms. One for Remus and Sirius, one for Anya, one for Harry and one for them. And somehow Anya and Harry had ended up here. Fast asleep between him and Lily. Like when they were younger.
He smiled down at them, the way Anya was curled into Lily and Harry lay sprawled out, facing towards him. His dark hair just as messy as James'.

It turned out that despite all the time that lay between his two lives, somethings hadn't changed. Like his sleep schedule.
The sun was beginning to rise above the orchard and he could see a familiar figure sat in the middle of the field where they used to play quidditch, his head turned up towards the sky.
For a second it was like they were children, with no understanding of the war around them. James knew Sirius. He knew his every emotion even when the only other person who could tell something was up was Remus. And right now James could tell Sirius needed him. He needed someone to sit with right now, whether he talked or not. He needed the anchor to this world right now just as much as James and Lily needed it, just as much as Anya and Remus and Harry and everyone else.
It was these thoughts that got him walking across the dewy grass to his brother, silhouetted against the dawn.

"Prongs?" Sirius glanced up as he sat down next to him and James was stricken to see his face tearstained.

"Padfoot." He replied quietly, holding his gaze and taking note of the dark circles below his grey eyes and the red rims.
Tentatively Sirius layed his head on James' shoulder like when they were children and would hide inside the curtains of their beds just so Sirius could feel the warmth of physical contact after spending so much time alone the hellhole he'd called home for the first few years of his life.

James wanted to yell at him to speak and tell him what was wrong. He wanted to cry and scream and wrap his hands around Peter's neck. Peter. Peter for doing this to his brother.
That wasn't how it worked with Sirius though, with Sirius you had to sit there and wait for him to feel comfortable enough to talk.
Or at least that was how it was before he died.

The problem was that James didn't know anymore, he didn't know. He didn't know how to talk to his best friends and his family without seeing the devastation on their faces, the acknowledgment of all that had happened between them.

"I'm sorry."

Sirius spoke quietly, startling James and making his heart jump in his chest.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for saying that he should be secret keeper, I'm sorry for not being there that night, I'm sorry for not realising, I'm sorry that I left Harry and Anya. I'm sorry James. I'm so so sorry."

He was watching him with shining grey eyes and a look on his face that ripped James' heart out and cut through it viciously.

"I don't blame you Padfoot. I don't blame you at all. It was me. It was my fault."

Sirius blinked at him. "What?"

"I didn't pick up my wand, I didn't even fight. I didn't try."

"But you wouldn't have been able to. It was me-"

"No it wasn't! I let everyone die. I didn't even try even for Lily and Harry and Anya's sake."

"Prongs." Sirius looked at him, dead in the eye. "Prongs, there was nothing you could do. I promise. There are only a few people who've ever survived Voldemort, your children being two of them. There is one person who survived the killing curse and that is your son. You couldn't have done anything."

"Neither could you." He replied, letting a comfortable silence fall in around them both.
The sunlight settled on the familiar view in front of them, the place where they'd grown up.

And then Sirius spoke again.
"I can never stop seeing it James."

Azkaban

"I can hear it... I can hear it all the time. They screamed over and over again and I can't close my eyes without seeing them."

He said nothing, letting the tears fall from his eyes.
"We're gonna live through this. We're going to heal and we're going to live through this. I promise. I'm not letting any of you go ever again."
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