Dear God,
I had another headache today.
The doctors say its just my tumor acting up.
How can they say its "just my tumor?"
It was a really despicable thing to say.
Its like saying you're only dying.
I refused to talk after they said that.
Love,
Peyton
Peyton's P.O.V.
I sit on my bed, staring blamkly at the wall, trying not to move too much. Even the slightest movement sent my head into spirals of pain.
Cody edges closer and takes my hand, rubbing soothing circles over my knuckles. "Does it still hurt?" He asks, his voice a whisper.
"Not as much," I find myself saying, still not moving.
Cody moves, now sitting next to me, still holding my hand. I let my head rest on his shoulder and even that small movement has me closing my eyes and grimacing in pain.
"Shh," Cody soothes. "Sh, its okay, I've got you."
"Unless you can magically make the pain go away, I highly suggest you not saying that to me again," I say tightly, my eyes still closed.
I feel Cody stiffen underneath my head and I open my eyes to see his hurt expression. "Okay then," he says slowly, starting to move.
"No, wait!" I exclaim, moving too fast to try and grab his arm. "I'm sorry, I just get snappy when it hurts."
"I know," he says gently, sitting back down, his eyes softening. "I know."
I slowly ease myself down onto my bed, the pai suddenly much worse. It feels like someone is driving a nail through my skull and pounding on the inside with a hammer. "Get the doctor," I say through clenched teeth.
"What?" Cody asks, leaning down to hear me.
"Get the doctor!" I shout, hut it turns into a sob and now the tears are pouring down my cheeks and my hands are clamped down on my head like if I hold it tight enough the pain can't be felt but it hurts, God it hurts so bad.
Thedoctor.comes bustling in, holding his clipboard and he gently removes my hands from my head but I'm still crying. He locks eyes with my nurse. "Get her some pain medicine," he orders then smiles kindly down at me. "Don't worry, my dear," he says. "Its just your tumor acting up."
Its as if those words are a numbing agent; suddenly I can't feel the pain, all I feel is hurt and shock. How dare he say that? Its "just my tumor?" It is not just my tumor. It is the cause of my early death, the cause of all my pain, the very reason I'm in this Godforsaken place in the first place.
"What hurts?" He asks.
I shake my head and look away, staring at the wall. If he's going to talk to me like that, I'm not going to tell him. I don't need his help. He ask a a few more questions but I ignore them. I, not going to talk to hi after that comment.
And I don't.
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Okay so I know its been three months and this is short but I have other things I want to focus on and yeah i just missed this so this popped out hope you enjoy xx
-T A Y L O R
