Dear God,
I made Cody promise me something today.
I made him promise that when I die,
He'll move on.
I only have two months left.
And I asked him to speak at my funeral.
He didn't like it, but he promised.
And he said he won't wear black to a funeral because he knows I don't like it.
Then he cried.
He made me cry.
We cried together,
And we stayed like that for a long time.
I wish we could've stayed there forever.
Or at least for longer than two months.
Love,
Peyton
Peyton's P.O.V.
It is dark outside, quite late at night when I realize that I have to do something. Cody is lying next to me, his chest rising and falling slowly. His arm is around my waist, making sure I can't slip away from him. I smile at the peaceful expression on his face, as it is the only time I see him when he's not worrying-when he's asleep. He tries to pretend that he is fine, but I know he's not. I hate to wake him, especially since it's for a cruel reason.
I sigh and reach for my hair to run my hand through before I remember that I don't have any hair. I rest my head in my hand and simply watch Cody sleep. He has a little smile on his face and I reach out and touch his face gently. He grunts and shifts, turning so he's facing me, hands grabbing out for my body. I grab one of his searching hands and lace my fingers through his. He sighs and settles back into my bed, taking up the majority of the space.
I sigh deeply, deciding that now was as a good time as any. I nudge him, whispering “Cody.”
He grunted and tightened his grip on my hand.
“Cody,” I say louder, pushing him harder.
He moans now, releasing my hand and batting his hand feebly in my direction trying to ward me off.
“Cody!” I say loudly, pushing him hard.
He opens his eyes blearily and blinks, clearing away some of his sleepiness. “Wha' time is it?” he mumbles.
“About 2:30,” I answer quietly. “We fell asleep and they decided to let you stay.”
Cody stretches and yawns. “I'm glad they did,” he says. When he notices my frown, he sits up, looking at me more closely. “Are you okay, does your head hurt, should I call for a nurse-”
“I'm fine Cody,” I say quietly. “Just fine.”
His eyes search my face, looking for a sign of what I'm feeling. He knows me too well. “No you're not,” he decides, scooting over so he can wrap an arm around my shoulders.
“You're right,” I whisper. “I'm not fine.”
“What's wrong boo?” he asks.
My lip starts to tremble when he calls me that. I used to hate the little pet names couples used to give each other, I thought it was stupid, that they could just call each other by their given names. But Cody's have a grown on me, my favorite being boo. I inwardly squeal every time he calls me that, but not tonight.
“Cody,” I whisper, almost breathing his name out. My heart hurts just from thinking about telling him what I need to say, and with him actually in front of me, looking so concerned and in love with me, it is a million times harder. “I need to tell you something.”
“You can tell me anything,” Cody says softly, wiping away a stray tear with the pad of his thumb.
I swallow before speaking. “You need to... promise me,” I say.
“Promise you what?” Cody says, picking up on my tone.
I take a deep breath, closing my eyes and shaking my head. I wipe at my eyes and turn my face away from Cody, trying to keep myself from bawling.
“I love you,” I say quietly.
“I love you too,” Cody's reply comes quick and easy.
“Because I love you,” I say, turning back to him. “You need.... to promise me.... that you'll...”
“That I'll what?”
Cody is so patient, so loving, so understanding. He doesn't rush me and he'll cry with me and he doesn't hide his emotions. He is so utterly perfect. I am so sorry to have to break his heart.
“Promise me,” I say more firmly, looking him in the eyes. “Promise me, that when I die.... you'll move on.”
There. I said it. Cody's face in expressionless, and he simply looks at me. I had to say it, I had to make him promise me. If I died without knowing this, I would feel eternally guilty. He needs to promise.
“Cody...” I whisper. “Promise me.”
Very slowly, without his eyes ever leaving mine, he nods.
“I need to hear you say it,” I choke out, tears now almost free-falling.
“I promise,” Cody says.
I nod, accepting this and suddenly I have more to speak. “Will you speak at my funeral for me?”
Cody's eyes soften and he says, “Of course. I'll even wear a bright color because you hate black.”
“Thank you,” I choke out, just before I dissolve into tears.
Cody immediately hugs me tight, pulling me to his chest, and he buries his face in my shoulder as I bury mine in his chest, sobbing now. My shoulder begins to feel wet and I realize that Cody is crying too, his tough facade now broken, because I've broken him. I wish that we could have more time. I wish that we could have more than the seven months we had together, assuming I live the full six months. I wish we could stay in this room forever, or at least longer than two months.
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Cover by @blink_185
REVISION FROM DECEMBER 2014- DOESN'T THE GUY LOOK LIKE JORDY FROM RED BAND SOCIETY? NO? I'M ALONE? OKAY THEN
