Dear God,
Peyton died today.
Love,
Cody
Codys P.O.V.
I shouldn't be driving. I shouldn't be driving is the only thought running through my mind at the moment. I'm not being sensible right now. I'm not thinking clearly. All I want to do is go to a bar and drink until I'm seeing triple, but I can't.
I promised her.
I suppose now my promises don't mean a thing, considering that she's dead. How could she be dead? She can't. I refuse to believe it. But I came to the hospital today and... No. It's a lie.
I just want to go home. I realize that I'm nearing my street and speed up, just wanting to escape into the confines of my home and bawl my eyes out, because Peyton's dead. She's dead. She can't be. She had two months left. This is just some sick joke. Peyton is a prankster; she would do something like this. Wouldn't she?
I find my house and immediately stop my car, opening the door and slamming it shut, enjoying the sound. I need to break something, or drink something. I fumble with my keys, trying to unlock my door. My tears are blurring my vision, making it hard to see anything. The door opens and I stumble inside, kicking off my shoes and making my way to the kitchen, where I grab a beer bottle and pop off the cap, taking a swig.
I stare out into my backyard, imagining Peyton and our kids running around the yard, giggling and screaming. I smile at the image, wanting it more than anything.
I glance down at my beer bottle before throwing it against the wall, smashing it. It felt good. I look for more things to smash and end up throwing anything near me that isn't bolted down. In no time, I've broken most items in my kitchen. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters now that Peyton is gone.
I scream, the sound bouncing around the walls, echoing back in my face. I tug at my hair, sinking to the ground where I squat, trying to make sense of the situation.
Peyton is dead. Peyton is gone. Peyton won't ever talk to me again. Tears blur my vision as the reality of this hits me. Peyton is gone. I love her. But she's gone. No.
"Peyton," I whisper, hearing my voice for the first time since they told me. Since then, I've been screaming in my mind. My voice sounds so small and weak, and hoarse from all the crying I've done. "Oh God, Peyton, you made this so damn hard."
And she did. She fell in love with me, and I with her, even though I knew she was dying, we fell in love and this is the consequence. I thought that medicine would help her. I thought it would save her and we could live happily ever after. It killed her. Its my fault that she's dead now. I made her take the medicine, I made her take it and it killed her two months early.
That's not fair, and I wish I could take it back. I wish I could have met her before she had cancer. We deserved so much more. I hiccup now, feeling even more tears come to my eyes. How can one person cry this much? I never really cried before I met her.
I scream again and again, trying to put how I'm feeling into words, but I can't, so I scream, trying to communicate. I scream my anguish and my pain and my heartache, trying to let anyone know that I need help right now. I sink against my cabinets, still clutching at my hair in distress. Peyton can't be gone. I need her. I need her.
"Peyton," I whisper, clenching my eyes and biting my lip to keep from crying even more. "Peyton!" I scream, the sound bursting from me.
It doesn't even sound like her name, just a yell of agony and misery. "Peyton, please, I'm begging you, I love you, just come back," I dissolve into tears again, now sobbing into my arms. "Just come back to me."
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Ok, so I decided to write the scenes not in order, just whenever I felt like, so here's Cody reaction.
Side note- see, this is why I don't write long scenes I'm so bad at it and I'm sorry!
