Bitter Affectionate

Chapter 22

We had a game coming up in two weeks. It wasn't our first this season, but it was the first one that actually mattered. Winning this game would assure us a spot in the semi-finals. Coach had his eye on the big one: the state championship. But all I cared about were those semi-finals. Recruiters always came to the semi-finals and I desperately needed one to like me. Any one. I wasn't naive enough to put any hope into one particular school. I'd go with any one that wanted me.

Brent had been quieter recently. It was normal for him to get quiet when he was stressed, and with a game on the horizon and his parents fighting, he definitely had a good reason to be stressed. However, he wasn't that kind of quiet. It felt like he was leaving space for me to talk. To tell him things, or ask for help.

Because of that, we spent a lot of time sitting in silence.

What was I supposed to say? It'd been a week since my freakout on Calvin, and since then, everything in my life had been eerily calm. It felt like the world was offering me that break I so desperately needed, only now I didn't want it. There were too many unanswered questions. Even in silence, I never got a moment of peace. My brain was constantly plaguing me to figure it out.

Despite my prediction, Calvin hadn't called. I heard nothing at all from him since. I didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing.

I had to regain some control and get a handle on things. Returning to sports was a nice distraction. Surely that would bring some of my regular self back.

Still, I was working mostly on autopilot during practice. Coach would blow the whistle and I'd stand there like an oaf until Brent gave me a shove. I got a hold of myself in the last half, but it was unpleasant enough for me to lose whatever confidence I had in my physical abilities beforehand.

When practice wrapped up for the day, the guys groaning and hollering and making plans for later that day, I didn't join them. It took me long enough to wake up. I might as well get some extra time in while I'm still functioning.

"Drew," Brent said. He was clearly eager to go, but he stayed in the middle of the gym, waiting for me. "Are you coming?"

I glanced over his shoulder at our retreating team. One or two of them were looking back at us, teenage judgement all over their faces.

I looked back down at him. "Nah, I'll stick around here for a bit. Can you get a ride with someone?"

"Yeah, I guess. I could stay with you, though."

I waved a hand at him. "No, it's fine. I don't want to be distracted."

Assured in my decision, he went off toward the locker room and joined the guys, leaving me in the echo-y gymnasium alone.

Once everyone cleared out, it was easier to move around. I was less aware of the amount of space I took up, and I didn't have to worry about crashing into a teammate like a wine-drunk bull. I was able to get some more solid training in than when I had company.

I could've stayed in there for hours, getting pent up energy out in solitude, but it wasn't twenty minutes before the door opened and got my attention.

Joseph tentatively stepped into the room, like he was testing the temperature before diving in. I stopped in my tracks, straightening up as I watched him walk in. I lifted my shirt and used it to clean the sweat off my face.

Joseph looked as much like a fish out of water as possible. 

"Hey, sorry to interrupt. I was looking for you, one of the guys told me you were in here," He said. His hands were fidgeting as he came closer to me. "Can I talk to you? It's important."