𝐝𝐞𝐣𝐚 𝐯𝐮, peter parker

v. by association

chapter five!
by association

A LOT happened last night.

Peter was still trying to comprehend it all. Usually, his afternoons and nights as Spider-Man consisted of helping old ladies with directions and receiving churros as payment, or stopping grand theft auto bikes. But an actual ATM robbery? With thugs dressed up as the Avengers with strange weapons? His heart still pounded thinking over it all. Mr Delmar was lucky he was alive. Peter was lucky he got to him in time.

And then Peter ran into Nina on his way home? He had watched her step out of her work with his heart in his throat, an ache to the side, a burn on his shoulder and the want to just sleep. But the city never slept, and neither did he. Nina didn't work overtime on Wednesdays. She worked late on Fridays, in which Peter was always there to make sure she got home safe from a distance. He didn't know what made him dangle down and talk to her after everything. He told himself: stay away from her. Keep her safe that way.

That wasn't what he had done last night. He talked to her, walked with her, made her laugh and smile━he let his guard down, broke his promise to have a moment where everything was normal. Where they were friends again ... even more than that. He cursed himself for it, and yet, he hadn't been able to stop himself. In fact, he felt the need to dress up in his mask again, swing towards her apartment this afternoon and do it all over again. Peter had been aching to talk to her, to find a chance to explain ... as Spider-Man, he could do that; he had his chance to just ...

He didn't know. Tell her the truth? That he was Spider-Man? That was the last thing he could do.

He felt like he was a record. He played his song of promise, of responsibility and determination━over and over until it was on a loop in his head with every lyric memorised. And then Nina smiled, or scowled, or just walked past in the street or the hallway, and that record skipped. He forgot the lyrics. He forgot what he was supposed to be. He was Peter Parker, still crushing on the girl who's heart he broke, and held no real explanation for her except I'm sorry. His record skipped, and all of that didn't matter. He just wanted her close, to talk to her, to have her joke and make him laugh. She had been his closest friend forever before they even started dating, before he was Spider-Man. Back when he was just Peter Parker.

And no matter what, he was drawn to her. She was his beacon, and he was desperate to call home to her. But even when he tried, he couldn't. He had been behind his mask━and that was the only time he had the courage to even talk to her the way he did. She might be his beacon, and her smile and heart had been his home, but the bridge was broken; the boat was sinking ... his webs were just reaching an inch too short and he was falling; sinking, crumbling.

He shouldn't━ever━do what he did again.

(But he knew full well he will).

Peter's thoughts were broken up as the chair beside him creaked. He tensed slightly, his grip around his pen tight. His eyes weren't fixed on the projection on the board. They were━as they always seem to be━focused in on the girl sitting in the second row, writing the calculus equation down in pretty handwriting.

"So, did you tell her?"

Peter's gaze snapped away and he frowned at Ned. His friend was watching him, expectant for an answer. "What?" Peter chuckled, barely louder than a whisper. He glanced around cautiously. He caught Michelle in the corner, not paying attention and instead just reading her Stephen King novel. "N━no."

Ned sighed, yet again, "Come on, man..."

"What?" Peter said again, a little annoyed. All day he's been hearing these questions about his alter ego. He hadn't accounted for Ned to be waiting in his room when he returned home, in his suit and his identity revealed. He had made him promise to not tell anyone, especially May and Nina, but he somehow hadn't stopped him from talking about it in a situation where anyone could overhear. "I told you━she cannot know."