𝐝𝐞𝐣𝐚 𝐯𝐮, peter parker

xxxvi. to be needed

chapter thirty-six
to be needed

    SHE THOUGHT she'd like her new apartment.

    She thought she'd like stepping into a new chapter of her life, excited for what the future would bring her. Excited to leave everything she hated behind and start anew. But she wasn't as happy as she thought she'd be━as she wanted to be. She was alone in an apartment she had imagined for two. She was without surprise visits from the window, teasing words and kisses, hugs and promises. She was without Peter, and it hurt.

    When she had nothing to keep her busy, she swiped through pictures of them together━when everything between them was happy, and their smiles were genuine, and Nina laughed at his jokes. And he promised her that what her father said didn't haunt him at night, didn't haunt them━wouldn't creep up and keep them apart. Now, Nina wasn't sure whether he was lying to her, or just lying to himself.

    She was thankful that part-time work at OSCORP, and part-time college kept her busy. It kept her from calling him up. Kept her from sending him a message. Kept her from searching for him swinging past in the streets, or on the rooftops, wondering whether he was still keeping an eye on her━when where she was hoping he'd see her, he was hoping she'd see him, too. It stopped her from wondering whether he stayed up at night looking at pictures of them and held himself back last minute from calling her ... because she did, too.

    Days turned to weeks, and then two months passed by. Nina was getting settled into college. Attending lectures, meeting other students just as ambitious as her, and finding out that she wasn't the only one who had a keen mind━and fighting for a top mark was a race against many, and not against two.

    She stayed in contact with Gwen, but her best friend had dreams of her own. At coffee meet-ups and study nights, she prepared herself for interviews after interviews for a scholarship and entry into one of the most prestigious college's across the ocean. Her dreams of Oxford University set her on a path that Nina didn't know how she'll follow. She's had Gwen since she was little, and she thought she'll have her when they were older, too. Nina didn't want being in different countries to change that━but she also didn't know what she'll do without Gwen being just a phone call away before arriving at her apartment. Nina was scared she was going to be alone.

    New York was really big when you were alone.

    So, Nina was trying to make friends. Her classmates at college were mostly nice, though living off campus and trying to chat when most of them were taking notes and rushing between lectures made it hard. But she tried to join clubs, attending college days and managed to slip into some parties. But she never seemed to be getting close enough with anyone. It was jarring. In High School, she had Gwen, she never had to make an effort in creating friends━she never experienced how long it took to get close to someone. In College, her parents didn't just meet up with someone else's parents and have their children play together. In College, Nina had to hold her own back, meet people by herself, and face the frustration that no one seemed to think she was worth their time. 

     This idea she had in her head of her college life was already straying far off course. 

      "Yeah, no, Mom, I'm going fine," Nina lied right through her teeth as she balanced her phone between her ear and her shoulder, as well as carry her tray of coffee's on top of her folders, handbag on her arm and her lunch in a insulated bag straining the joint of her fingers. She rolled her eyes good-naturedly at what she said next. "Yes, I paid rent last week, and I'll pay this week, too. So far, I'm a great tenant!"