Hate Notes

Chapter 5

Lunch with mum was great. True to her words, she didn't bring up anything about the shop, making everything so much easier. Breathing was easier. Being around her was easier. Despite being worried that things between us would be awkward, mum did the best she could to prevent that and I appreciated the effort.

I remembered we had always had the best time with each other, the days when her life was not consumed by fawning over Jesse and making sure he had the best of everything. I tried not to think about the days I felt out of place in my home while they made Jesse feel like he belonged. Those years were bitter and hurtful. Even though it took mum years to really look at me, I had grown out of needing her or anyone.

After lunch, I went to see Cece in the hospital. Having time on my hands made me bored and fidgety. My cousin didn't seem surprised to see me knocking on the door of her office. Usually, I didn't visit her in the hospital, but this was the first time I was willing to come see her.

"Hey, you didn't tell me you were coming." Cece stared at me from behind her desk, wearing her white coat. Her office was small, but cute. There were traces of my cousin in the taste. Even though her main office was in her house, Cece visited the hospital every chance she got, and she has been coming here often now.

"Yeah it was unexpected," came my relaxed response as I slid into the chair in front of her. "I just hit the road and ended up here," I clarified.

She snorted with a nod. "Ah, so that's how unemployment is. How is that going for you?" Cece questioned, amused. I was glad she was not firing uncomfortable questions at me.

"Let's say I have a lot of free time and a lot of more time to my thoughts."

"Sucks?"

I gave a one shoulder shrug and proned back against the chair, one arm flung over the headrest. "Freedom is sexy, baby," I mused.

A trail of chuckles burst forth from her throat. "So is having a job. It distracts you. It keeps your brain working so you won't have time to sink into your thoughts." She waved her hand in the air to make her statement stand out, but it only made me snort, refusing to be baited into thinking my life wasn't great now.

"My thoughts are fine, thank you very much. I actually got the time to remember how much it feels so great not to stress about anything."

"So, you're not going to look for a job anymore?" Followed her question.

"How am I going to get a job? What am I going to do? I want to clear my head before I think about my next move."

Her brows went up higher than usual as she arrested me with keen eyes. "Which would be?"

"I don't know," I remarked with sincerity, head canted her way. "I haven't really thought much about it. What could I possibly be good at?"

"A lot of things," Cece issued in soft tones, a smile tilting her mouth. "This is the time to discover what you can do and what you wanna do. Don't waste it watching tv or arguing with Jesse."

A gulp of air sucked in before I hissed out, the frustration I haven't felt since I left his house came up and seeped through my skin. I had gone a few hours without his name coming up, and the fact that my cousin casually brought it up put a scowl on my face.

"I was completely ok with you not bringing him up."

Cece laced her fingers on her desk, eyeing me intently like she would her patients. It made me uncomfortable, as her next words did. "You know, I've really thought about getting you and him in here," she flung back.

"What?" I pulverized my teeth together, grating, "You mean, like come in for a therapy?" The last word came out in a chuckle.

She cocked her head, not finding the humor in it. "Why not? You'd be surprised at the power of therapy," she told me, more like trying to coax me to accept her offer. "It can help you both...settle whatever the hell is going on with you."