Hate Notes

Chapter 13

It never bothered me in the past when people came into my life and left. Everyone had always admired my ability to walk out on everything and cut off relationships as soon as things got serious. I've had a few people during high school and college years, but none that survived. Partly because I didn't allow anyone to get close enough.

I had always been like that. Always shied away from things I knew could hurt me and I never allowed myself to feel hurt. Everyone that I met, I thought they would hurt me. I was a distrustful person who had her guard up with everyone. I was the woman who walked away before anyone could walk away from me. In college, I tried to be different, tried to give myself a chance with someone, but that blew up too. I grew up in a home where I had to look out for myself and only had my best interest. I've always blamed my parents for how I turned up. They knew that too, but the conversation had never been brought up before. It was something that have been between us for years, like a taboo that had never been spoken of but existed.

The loud ringing of my phone woke me from sleep, but I didn't wake up in bed. I woke up in the living room, my computer dead on the coffee table and a stiff neck from sleeping on the floor. I didn't remember when I had fallen asleep, but last night had been exhausting. Work had pushed me to exhaust myself, but I didn't mind. Being able to drown myself in something else prevented me from wallowing in self pity.

The phone rang again. The phone....

I crawled and picked it up from underneath the table. I answered without looking. "Morning." I thought it would be mum because she had been pestering me lately, giving me her unwanted attention that I couldn't decide if it was guilt or something else.

But it wasn't a female voice, but a male. "It's afternoon," Jason pointed out in amusement.

I groaned. "Are you sure? It feels like morning. But then, it also feels like it's night. I have slept for long, so why do I still feel exhausted?"

"You've been overworking yourself lately, Iris. Have you considered taking a break?"

"Can't," I moaned, resting my arm on my eyes to cover the harsh sunlight that streamed from the window. "I have a showcase in three weeks and I need to update my portfolio, and release the photos I've worked on for my website. Why are you calling? Everything ok?"

"Uh, yeah." My brother cleared his throat, which told me there was something he was hesitating to say, and I opened my eyes to stare at the ceiling. "Listen, remember when we planned for the weekend getaway to Kelly's family cabin?"

"Yes?"

A nervous laughter escaped him. "And do you remember when I told you that there would only be four of us-you, me, Kelly and Cece?" He took a second before he continued, "And how Jesse said he wasn't coming? Turns out he's changed his mind."

My entire world screeched to a halt. "Say what?" I scrambled to sit, all the sleep in my eyes suddenly gone.

"Yeah, he's coming with us."

My heart tried its best not to pound its way out of my chest. Part of me wanted to laugh and smile, but the other wanted to crush that happiness. Why did Jesse decide to go? It's been two weeks since he pushed me away and I haven't seen him after that day. He avoided me like the plague, never being in the same room with me. Even when we had been fighting, it had never escalated into this.

My back teeth clenched. "Does he know I'm coming?"

"Pretty much."

"Then, why does he want to come? I thought he's doing his best to stay away from me. I thought he wanted nothing to do with me?" I was frantic, worried, and excited that I couldn't decide which one to settle with. But I was mostly afraid and excited, and I couldn't believe Jesse was coming to the cabin with us.