Laudine's Absolution

Fleeing the Past

Fleeing the Past

Laudine had a sneaking suspicion that Gael was avoiding her.

It started when, the next morning, he sent her note telling her that he was going to have to reschedule their outing as something had come up. He didn't specify what it was and he didn't give any clues as to when he would like to reschedule.

She waited all day for him to come to her suite, but he did not. The next day, she set out trying to find him, only to discover that he had managed to find something to do outside of Quicksilver itself. As much as she wanted to talk to him, she didn't think she was brave enough to journey outside of Quicksilver into any of the busier districts to try to find him.

The same was true each day that followed. He was up and out of the district before she could find him and returned either too late for her to reasonably ask after him or at such random times that she couldn't figure out when he he was back at the Sacellum at all.

"Maybe I should pretend to have a fit," she mumbled to herself.

She was sitting in the garden outside of her suite, at the wrought iron table where she had been served her midday meal, frowning at the tree beyond the chair opposite her.

Speaking to herself came easily. She imagined that was a result of being alone so long. It certainly felt familiar enough that she imagined she must have done it a lot. Though it was hard to remember anything that occurred while she was at Petrus Landebert.

"No, I can't pretend to have a fit," she countered her own argument. "He'd see through that immediately. And it's childish. Not to mention dangerous. You don't want to set that precedent where people might think you're a liar when you need real help.

"But I do need real help now. And he's refusing to come when I ask him.

"He's a busy man. You're being clingy.

"I haven't had company in years. Is it really a wonder that I want to enjoy what company I am able to get now?

"If that's your only reason, you could find anyone to keep you company. You get letters every morning from friends that want to see you again. You can ask any of them to come here. It doesn't have to be Gael.

"But I want it to be Gael."

Her return argument against herself rang out in the birdsong that floated in the air. She frowned at the soup that had been served to her, thinking it over.

Arguing with herself made her feel like a crazy person. Especially now that she realized she was doing it and wasn't lost to her insanity anymore. However, she couldn't deny that arguing with herself often provided an insight into her own heart that she hadn't had before.

She wanted to spend time with Gael. She wanted to be with him. As a woman, for sure, but also as a friend. She wanted to learn more about him and to help him with the darkness that she could feel he held restrained tight in his heart.

"But he doesn't want help," she reminded herself as she stirred her cold soup. She really needed to eat it, by order of Master Hue, but she wasn't hungry.

Her appetite had gone to hide with Gael.

Was she just curious? He was strange enough when she only knew that he had locked his emotions away deeper than the palace vaults. Now, however, after seeing the markings on his skin that he hid from everyone, her mind burned with questions.

But that wasn't unusual, right? Anyone would have questions.

Was it just because she felt safe with Gael? That she knew she could unload her emotional burden on him and still be secure? Whatever else was happening between them, she knew if she actually needed his aid, he would be here in an instant.