Silence [The Hunger Games]

Chapter Forty-Five

 The sun hadn’t even showed its face yet that morning, but I was wide awake. Though I was able to have a little bit of rest, my slumber was filled with terrifying visions of Logan’s death, and I didn’t dare succumb to sleep again. I tossed on to my side to look out the window at Drew’s house. His curtains were closed, but I was certain he’d be awake too. Still, I didn’t want to disturb him. Slipping out of bed, I put a woollen jumper over my new silk nightdress. I think it was Jonah’s jumper once, and though it was full of holes, I’d taken to wearing it around the house. It comforted me.

 I padded downstairs, slipping on the boots I had left by the door the previous evening having returned from Drew’s house. Then, I quietly slipped out of the house.

 It was only a short walk to the gap in the fence. I wondered whether anyone else had attempted to leave via the broken fence since I had that night with Eddie and his friends. I lay on the floor and shuffled under, taking care not to catch my nightdress on the wiring. When I emerged on the other side, my knees were grazed, but I shrugged it off casually. I’d been through worse.

 I wasn’t running away. I couldn’t. As a Victor, my absence would be too noticeable, and I certainly didn’t have a death wish. No, all I wanted was some freedom. The nature surrounding me was so beautiful, with opulent odours filling my nose. I sighed, breathing properly for the first time I could recall in a very long time. I ended up taking off the heavy boots and allowing my toes to curl in the grass and mud.

 As it grew lighter, I told myself it was time to head back, but I didn’t want to. I sank against the side of a tree and took Logan’s diary from inside my nightdress’ pocket. I never went anywhere without it, though had hardly left the house since returning anyway. I had read most of it by then, but I had a few entries to go from the arena.

 Dear Raven,

 I remember a few days before our reaping Clara Thompson asked me to walk her home. You know what she’s like. Needy. Annoying. Blonde.

 I sniggered, turning the page to read on.

 As I reached her gate, she reached up on her tip toes and kissed me. You know what it’s like when someone kisses you. You can’t just pull away.

 “I know the feeling,” I mumbled, twisting my ring around my finger as I thought of my first kiss with Eddie.

 It was like being swallowed whole, I swear to you. She’s got lips like a blow fish. She came to see me before we left for the Capitol. It was all snot and tears, not very pleasant, I tell you.

 I'm laughing as I write this. We’re sat at the camp, and its' meant to be your watch. You keep asking me what I’m writing, but I think you’ll find it amusing to read this when I’m gone. Anyway, she rambled on and on about how she loved me, and had the Peacekeeper not dragged her away, I would have had to have told her that, in all honesty, I felt nothing of the sort for her. There is only one girl for me. Guess who?

 Logan

 I bit my lip, unsure whether to laugh at his daft tale or cry because I missed him so much. I turned another page to the final entry I hadn’t read.

 Dear Raven,

 The sun rises on another day in the arena, and as I watch you sleep, I am reminded of a conversation between your father and mine once when we were young. You and I had been playing together in the garden that day, a summer’s afternoon of complete beauty. We had gone blackberry picking, and you’d gone home crying when I squished one in your face. I can still remember the look of disgust on your face, the purple juice smeared like a Capitol person’s makeup over your cheeks. I sat in disgrace outside my father’s office under my mother’s orders, but my father saw the funny side of it. He dismissed your father from his duties, and they sat and talked about us. And my father said he could see us growing up and marrying one day. I guess that’s not so likely now.