Short stories & poetry

Ghost of You (romance Ig)

Every now and again it hits me that I am still chasing after the ghost of you.

I smell you in my room, I hear you in my house, I see you on my couch and I feel you in my heart.

I could never stay, I wasn't the type to calm down, no I always felt the need to run. Yes, I was always the one who needed to move to survive.

I was always the one that needed to break to get stronger.
And I am still the one who needs to fight to deny everything that hurts me.

You left a long while ago. Sometimes I question if you were ever really there.

Of course I know that you aren't here with me, but I sometimes I feel a breeze and think it's your presence stroking my head, telling me that I'll be okay every now and again.

I don't know when I lost you,
I don't know where to search for you, I don't know if everything was just in my head,
I don't know if I ever had you to begin with and I don't even know if I ever really found you to start with.

I only know of the goosebumps on my skin, the pounding in my heart, the breathless moments and the sound of bittersweet loneliness.

However there was a time when I felt you stronger than ever, a time when I was oh so young.

You were always so happy, so confident, so patient, so gentle and quiet....

I remember your smile shinning down on me and your warmth embracing me.... I remember your eyes full of kindness looking down on me and your hand carefully touching mine as if it was made from glass...

Lovely memories I won't ever forget.

Not that I ever could after you touched my heart with such great care and love....

You were with me from the start.

Times weren't easy back than. You came to me while I was broken and put me back together. The days were
so long...
so dark...
so tiring...
making "alright" something I could only feel in my dreams....

Every now and again I imagine pulling you close, breathing in your scent, falling into mindless carefreenes as you're holding me safely in your arms and ask me about my day.

Sometimes I am sure that you're watching me with a smile. Sometimes I think to hear your voice in the distance, telling me that I did well.
It's a warm feeling, even tho it makes me miss you even more.

But on other days, when nothing seems to work out like it should, I feel I let you down and stepped on everything you gifted my life with.

I call those days the dark days.
They're times, in which I feel lost and stressed and living seems harder than simply giving up and letting go.

And on those days I tend to overthink and as soon as I do it starts to hurt like hell. On those days I look up to the sky in hopes to see your face somewhere between the clouds, maybe even dancing with the stars....

I feel stupid for missing you, I feel needy for wanting you and I feel tired from waiting for you.

I know that I'm slowly fading more and more with every day I miss you because every day I miss you more.

I can't do anything about it and I hate myself for it. So I pray that we will reunite every time it starts to hurt really badly again.

I don't know for sure but I think that one day, when the gates open, the trees dance in the wind, the waves race each other in the ocean and everything sings in silent harmony, that I'll be able to embrace you and never let you go....