Pain is of the essence

Confession of secrets

(wat)

3rd POV

When he tasted blood, he thought he was drowning again. He could see those vultures again. He could hear their words. Everything went hazy. He felt like he was a ghost, like he could control his body, but only like it was a puppet on a string. Everything felt so fake, like he was back it that horrifying dream. And he couldn't take it. He ran. He did what he did best and ran.

He bolted to the open door and took a sharp left, sliding and nearly falling as he went. He didn't know if the teacher was calling for him, he didn't care. There were to many eyes, but even in the empty hallway he still felt them. Tears welled in his eyes, and he was trying his hardest not to cry. He knew he passed someone; he didn't bother to see who. But soon, with how fast he was running, he made it to the bathroom.

Once he was inside said bathroom, he slammed and locked the door. Finally free from anyone that could possibly see him, he sunk to his knees, his hands grazing against the door. And he began to cry, sobbing with his head against the door. The dream wouldn't leave his head. The empty face of Techno hung over him, as well as the face of the rest of his family.

Family. He was trusting them too easily. But they never hit him and never yelled at him. But what if they found out? They would most definitely not want him. They would send him back to the foster center. No one else wants someone so close to being 18, it was a miracle this family adopted him. Or would they send him to another psychiatric ward? He began to panic all over again, when he remembered his bag. Quickly and wobbly standing up, he made it over to the sink. Every movement still felt stiff and as if it was being controlled from outside his body.

He fell back onto his knees in front of the sink, peeling his tear-soaked mask and wet glasses off. He slung his backpack off with trembling hands, setting it in front of him. Digging through, he found a small zip up travel bag. It was small and was made for holding toiletries inside a suitcase. Instead, when he opened it, pill bottles poured out. The labels had been scrubbed off, and through the orange plastic he could see an array of pills varying in shapes and sizes. An old 'friend' from the foster home had become a drug dealer of sorts. He would sell the usual drugs, like cocaine, heroin, meth, the bunch, but he also sold pills. People who needed money apparently sold their pills off to be sold.

Ranboo had a vague memory of what he said was in the bottles he got at the last meet. Doctor office level pain pills, muscle relaxers, anxiety meds, anti-depressants, ADHD meds and some dopamine and serotonin boosters. There were some others that he couldn't quit remember. Struggling with the baby proof capes for a minute, he finally got it open. It was nearly full; Xavior never went potato chip style. But this meant prices were higher than other dealers. His last meet was two weeks ago, he had already gone through a whole pill bottle, including another bottle of memory enhance and anxiety meds that were actually prescribed to him. He always bought a lot when he got them.

Shaking his head from his own distraction, he poured about seven pills into his palm. Once he was satisfied by the amount, he threw his head back and used his spit to swallow them easier. Popping the lid back on, he grabbed some of his own pills. He struggled less with this cap, as he was calming down. Once it was off, he took about five anxiety pills. He didn't know how many that was in total, but he didn't care. After a while, he began to feel calm and numb, any emotions or cares he had seemed to evaporate. He hadn't bothered to put the pill bottles away yet. And he didn't even freak out when he suddenly heard the door....

opening

TW: Panic attacks, blood, mention of drowning, mention of death, derealization, mention of drugs, pills, pill popping, unprescribed drug use, mention of psychiatric ward.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey............... ummmm, sorry? I really don't know what to say. Ya'll probably bought fell over at this notification. Sorry it's short ig. anyways, uhhhhh, bye.