The Memories of Ivy

The doll's voice that gave flowers their powers

I didn't see you walk into the room
We first met only by the sound of it
Your voice in its pure instrumental form,
Wrapping itself around my ears
Sparked a soothing flame
To my unlit wick
If I gave you a rose
Every time you performed for me
You'd be showered in them

You had a remarkable gift
A voice like no other
And such raw talent on the stage of wings
Yet you instead chose a different career path
One that involved using your big brains
As you possessed high marks
And excelled in 88 different keys

I wasn't really in love with you
But I loved, for some psychological reason,
This picture perfect image of you
You were everything
My light and my passion
My drive to make a difference
It was when I looked a bit closer
Into your doll-like eyes
That you began to fade from me
From my memory, to be specific

I saw you again that night
A bitter, cold one in '17
It would be the last
I'd see of you
Until the possible next time
You were like a doll
Porcelain skin with a burning bright smile
When I had the chance
I couldn't let it all out for you
I didn't have it in me to do it
Knew pulling you aside wasn't right
It wouldn't have been right
Never would be

Looking back now
I would rather things have gone differently
For the both of us
But I should have known
You weren't feeling safe around me

Did I really let go of you?
Or am I just lying to cover up
The fact that I'm too cowardly to do it?
I'll truly never know

***

Reflection: this was about my first muse. The first girl who inspired some of my first stories. We were in theatre together, and she had a beautiful way of singing as lead actress in the play I was in with her.

I still think about her today and I'm sure she's living out her dream and doing what makes her happy. However, I do have regrets of how I approach things with her. With every encounter, every conversation we had, every look I gave her, and every time I tried for her attention, I regret every moment I had with her, because it wasn't who I was. I was someone else.

So what do you think?