Recovery

-3-

"The pain, it's determined and demanding to ache .."
-The fault in our stars - Troye Sivan.
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It's been exactly 3 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours and 8 minutes since the funeral.

The agonising pain increases as the time passes. Time is moving painfully slow, almost like it has a strong desire to invoke more pain in me.

Oh does it hurt. To some this might seem a bit exaggerated. But only I know how I'm feeling. I'm what people would mistake for a zombie. All pale and sick.

I haven't uttered a single word since the funeral.

I am beyond embarrassed for my behaviour at the funeral. But I don't care anymore, I don't care about anything that concerns me or my actions. I don't care about anything anymore.

I mean why would I? Caring leads to more pain and disappointment, which I'm feeling very strongly at the moment and I don't think I can handle more.

I feel like a burden. Since the funeral I have done nothing but procrastinate, lying on my bed staring at the ceiling as if finding a sudden fascination towards it. The dark stormy blue colour of the ceiling is some what soothing to me.

My parents have been really supportive and understanding, but I can tell they won't continue like this for much longer. My mother's endless efforts to get me to talk, eat or even just get out of my room, have all failed miserably. I'm causing her to suffer too. The guilt is just too much.

This is my grieving. It should not affect others, I completely understand that but there's nothing I can do about it. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost. Lost without him. But there's nothing I can do about it. He's gone and I can't bring him back.

If only I had a few more minutes with him. Just a few minutes, to hold him, to kiss him once last time, to drown in his beautiful eyes that held so much emotion and depth. He was such a beautiful person and that's what makes it so hard to move on with my life.

His charm was undeniable. He had his way of making things okay. He was perfect in every way. He was a person who'd get along with any kind of crowd. He didn't have a type. He just wanted to see everybody around him, happy. He was an angel. Literally now.

If only he was with me now. But if's are nothing more than desires and imaginations, not a possibility. It's all in the past now. Not too long ago, but still the past. A past that will haunt me for as long as I live. A past that I fail to move on from.

I can still hear his laugh in my head sometimes. It was contagious. He was beautiful. He is beautiful. He might be dead but he's still alive in my heart, where he'll be till the end. Always

"Mia.."

I hear my mum calling out. But as expected I didn't respond.

"Mia honey please. I understand this hard for you but you have a life to live honey get up."

What life? I don't see me living one. Not without him I don't.

"Okay that's it I've had enough of this Amelia, get up go take a shower and come down for breakfast. I won't hesitate to drag you if I have to."

Woah! She was always this delicate, soft spoken, ball of sunshine, she's never yelled before.(The exact opposite of my mom -.-) She must be so exhausted, the poor thing. And it's all my fault.

Why did you leave Ben? I feel so useless. I'm a horrible person. I'm going down and I'm taking everyone with me.

Please help me Ben...

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Hello readers! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a month. But I had my final exams till 23rd and if you're a Directioner, you'll know how exhausting and crazy (understatement of the century) march has been!

An emotional roller coaster! I don't know where to start. I was sobbing so hard so much for so long. But it all turned to anger after the Naughty boy thing happened😤😤😤. I don't even want to talk about this I'm done!

I'm sorry this is so short! It's a filler and this is all that came to my mind at 4:00am ! I'm sorry! I'll try and update regularly!

Hope you liked it! Please vote, comment and all that! Please give me opinions. Open to all criticism.

Thank you so much for reading, I love you❤😘.

Byee💕

-Smruthi x