Finding my lost self

The second one who did exactly the same

Ohhh yes...

I was lucky enough to find another cheater, isn't that amazing?:-) (just sense the irony)

Let's start the story, shall we?

I think I should start with the ''how we met'' and ''how everything started'' story right? Shoot, I wanted to start with the exciting part already. But okay, here we go.

Let's name him James. He was one of my best friend mates, they talked a lot, she helped him when he needed it, because he was fighting with his girlfriend a lot and he needed someone to talk to, and in the end, after a lot of fights, somehow, he broke up with her.

One day I went out with Ana (my best friend in case you forgot) and she told me:''Haha, look, James said that our favorite band is crap!''.  (I was at their concert, remember?) And that was the moment when everything started. I was like:''How could he say that?''. That wasn't nice at all.  Anyway, I thought about making a little fun of him, I texted James and replied only with verses from the bands songs. Evil, right? Don't worry, he didn't even notice. 

We started talking , we were making jokes and fun of each other, so yeah, it was kinda fun. After a while he started calling me pretty, and then, he asked me on a date. We went out before New Year's Eve and we just walked and went to a park where we sat and talked about our childhood, life, stuff like this. I was freezing so he took me home after and I had to go with my parents to church. Don't judge me, okay? I didn't even want to go. But okaaay, whatever, just let's continue because I won't say details about what the priest said, just figure that out, I think it was something about God, if I remember correctly. Just kidding, I will tell you what he said. He said to look back to the year we are leaving behind us, be grateful for it, for the people the we met and lost, and from the mistakes that we did, learn and evolve, so the next year we can be better and try to make it a better year. So yeah people, don't forget to be kind, with yourself, with your surroundings, friends, family, even strangers, to be grateful for everything you have and will receive, to always let the people you love know that you care about them and if something bad happens to don't look just at the empty side of the glass, and yeah, pray if you feel the need to or just talk with the Big Guy, I'm sure He'll listen to you.

Moving on. On the second date he came to my place and met my parents, and that's when we had our first kiss too. My parents weren't really excited about him, they told me:''Well, you have to like him, not us, that's the part that matters.'' I mean they were right, but yeah, I felt kinda meh because my parents didn't like the boy that I brought home. But I can tell, they were feeling that he's not the one for me.

On our third date I went to meet his parents, my dad drove me till his house and I gave his little brother some chocolate and candies, because he told me that his brother doesn't get much attention even from his parents either, so I wanted to be sweet and brought some sweets for him. He loved me instantly, he was around me literally all day, that was very sweet and it made me feel good that I could make him happy. We went for a walk and at night I came home.

After a few days I went on a classmate's birthday, where I ate some pizza. On my way home I felt that my skin is very itchy, but I thought that I just have to shower because it was a long day. Meanwhile I was showering I saw a lot of little red points on my body. I was full! And my face was bloated. I immediately hopped out of the shower, wiped myself and went to tell my mom what is happening with me. The next day my parents took me to the hospital, and it turned out that I have food poisoning , so I was hospitalised. This guy, who was my boyfriend already, got mad on me because I didn't tell him that I am in the hospital. I just sent a snap to him. I don't know, maybe I should've told him but I didn't want him to worry about me. That day he came to me and brought me a rose. He even gave me his ring to play with it while I'm trapped there. That was sweet.

After that, his ex-girlfriend started to text me and threaten me that she will beat me, kick my ass if I don't break up with James, because he doesn't love me, he is just trying to get over her. She even threatened me that she will come to the hospital to have a ''talk''. Dude, I was so freaking scared because I knew what she is capable of just to get that boy back. She was literally obsessed.

On our two months anniversary I wrote James a very long text, you know, just showing my love, appreciation and how grateful I am for him. Do you know what he did? ''Seen.'' Yeah, what did I expect from him? He let me down when I needed him the most, he didn't text me anymore, he just ghosted me.

After I came out of the hospital and started to go to school he texted me that ''We should talk.'' Well I knew very well what that's supposed to mean, I'm not dumb. So I said okay, and he seened me again. After that I insisted asking, ''where and when do you want us to meet? do you want me to get the bus and come to you? I know it's easier for you that way, you don't have to come.'' I was still trying to make efforts for him, do what's more comfortable for him. He just seened me all over again, and I was feeling more and more shitty, worthless, useless. After a few days, while I was scrolling on instagram I saw that his ex-girlfriend posted a story and I checked it, you know, curiosity, that's how we people are made. Well, it was a picture of James hugging her, with some love song in the backround. Guess how that made me feel. My heart just fell into a million pieces again in less than a minute. I hate when people like us, with pure soul who love the most and  make efforts, give attention and all of their time to someone, they get hurt the most. They get played, so they just practically just wasted their time.Ohhh,  what a time to be alive. (I know you sang this in your head lol) The sad part is that after something like this happens, we are blamin ourselves, not the other one, that we actually should. We think that there is something wrong with us, that we weren't good enough, that we should've done more for them, try more, make more efforts. But we are actually making a huge mistake. We are not the ones we should blame.

James, I just want to tell you that you were an asshole. You and your sick girlfriend. You made me feel worthless. I really don't want to see you ever again, and I say that kindly, from the bottom of my heart. You taught me to don't make efforts, don't open up , don't put my heart on a plate, don't even give attention to people like you because it's just a waste of time and energy and I have more important things to do then just play someone's little games. Don't play with someone who knows how to play better, dear. Or you know how they say. Don't play with fire if you don't want to get burned. My parents told me that you are not good for me, some of my friends did, but I was still naive and I let you in. I wanted to think that you are good enough for me, even if deep down, I knew you weren't. I was lying to myself because I had feelings for you. But you didn't deserve me, and you never will. (listen to Khalid & Disclosure-Know your worth)