Feeling emotions

I am pretty

I used to wish for someone to look at me and go 'Damn'. 

I used to wish for someone to look at me and think I'm pretty, for a classmate to notice the way I move and the way I talk, for a stranger to admire the way my hair falls on my face or the way I dress, for my friends to be jealous of my looks... 

I used to wish for someone to look at me and think I'm pretty. 

But now, now, I wish they would look away.

I wish I wouldn't be afraid to shave my head or put on weight. I wish I could go out in sweats and not care. I wish I could let myself give up on being perfect...

I wish I wasn't afraid to lose that validation because I do NOT want the attention. 

I wish they'd stop looking. I wish they'd stop fantasizing. I wish they'd stop falling to their knees. I wish I could go back to the sidelines. I wish I could be pretty for me. I wish beauty would not be the only thing people remember about me and I wish strangers would mind their own goddamn business!

I can't make them look away, but am I really the problem?