a god named sin (jinx x reader)

part 4,, is this where it all ends?

i have a hard time remembering things, specifically days where everything went to shit after being good for so long. i can never let my guard down again. 

it'll just be stripped away again like nothing.

 i am nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~

(warning; theres going to be a lot of talk about death and violence and some worthlessness)

(reader pov)

i remember the look vi had on her face.

the absolute shock and anger and sadness all displayed on her face when she came home. her eyebrows scrunched and the blood smeared and mixed with dirt on her face. the tears that pricked in her eyes as she avoided our stares. 

vi never presented her emotions, she always kept that to herself and kept us all going but when i saw her face. i knew it was happening again. after having such a good time and just now adjusting to my family it was going to be taken again. i was always told to never settle because when you settle and get comfortable it can all be gone in a snap of two fingers. and now here i am, about to lose it all. 

vi reached for vanders gauntlets, brushing off powder. mylo grabbed her wrists stopping her.

"hey. those are vanders. slow down. whats going on?" he let go of her wrist when she pulled back.

she was breathing heavily. "benzos dead."

"dead?" claggor said, his eyes widened and his mouth ajar.

"they took vander" vi said, powder stood beside her. she was in shock.

"w-who took vander?" mylo asked, he rubbed the back of his neck spinning around looking at me.

"i don't know but i need to help him." vi said.

the voices were muffled now, i could barely see straight, this was all too much to handle.

oh god.

not again please.

the images flashed in my head. the bodies of my parents, my house absolutely in ruins. the blood.

how was it even possible to have that much blood in one person? i mean you learn that people have so many pints but when you're covered in it you actually see how much it is.

my fucking head is spinning.

i grabbed my head and forced myself down onto the couch.

this is all too much. please don't take them from me. i can't do this again.

i tried to catch my breath but i just couldn't.

 is vander okay? 

did they kill him? 

am i going to be alone again?

 it felt like someone had their hands around my throat and wouldn't let up. i couldn't take a full breath. there was no one there, just me and my thoughts but that didn't stop the feeling of panic that overwhelmed my body. my hands were sweaty and my eyes were threatening to spill.  

it felt like my heart was going eighty miles per hour, maybe even faster.

"oh fuck."  i mumbled, still clutching my head which was now throbbing. 

i was in such a daze i didn't even know powder was knelt in front of me. she cupped my cheeks tilting my head up to look at her.

"y/n? hey hey look at me, its powder. you're safe its okay." she said reassuringly.

i looked up at her, my breathing still labored and my heart racing. her eyes were so soft and full with concern i couldn't help but stare. behind her was vi who was looking at me with a saddened expression. she didn't want any of this to happen. she wanted nothing more for us all to be safe and happy, so seeing me, let alone anyone she loves and cares for break down hurt her.

powder redirected my attention to her and started counting her breaths in an attempt to make me calm down. 

"okay one in.." she breathed in, "and one out.." she breathed out.

i followed her breaths and eventually calmed down. she wiped my tears and hugged me.

"you scared me y/n.." she mumbled softly into my shoulder.

"im sorry..im just so scared powder" i said, hugging her tighter.

"i know.. me too. but it'll be okay. we will go get vander back and it'll all be okay." she said pulling away from the heart warming hug and grabbing ahold of my hand. vi smiled at the two of us before turning and putting on vanders gauntlets.

powder let go of my hands and jumped up and ran to her room, she stuffed bombs and other tools into her little pouch before coming back to us four in the common room. vi looked at her and the pouch before putting her hand on her shoulder.

"pow pow.. i need you to stay here. stay here with y/n." vi's voice was stern, she didn't want powder to go.

"but, vi! you said we all need to save vander. i can do this vi, i can!" powder pleaded.

"powder, you're staying here." vi stated, she wasn't going to let up.

"but why-" powder asked before being cut off

"you're NOT ready." vi said, raising her voice.

powders face dropped. she thought she was ready.

"im sorry powder.. here," she handed powder a cylindrical,golden flare. "light this up and i promise ill find you." 

tears pricked in powders eyes as she grabbed the flare and hugged vi. she felt destroyed as vi, claggor and mylo left us here, alone.

powder turned to me, tears spilling down her face as she raced to her room and slammed the door. it was a long hour of screaming and sobbing. i knocked on her door with no avail, i wished to comfort her but i knew she needed time alone. the throwing of objects and crying faltered as she burst from the room with a small blue glowing gemstone? i've never seen this object before.

"i can save them y/n." she exclaimed.

i looked at the gem and then to the her.

"lets save them."

after everything i've lost, i was determined not to lose anyone else.

authors note: im literally so pumped to write this, im sorry for your guys hearts after the next chapter im writing :( grab the tissues.