CAMBRIA

TWELVE

Upon her arrival, Jackson was parked outside the airport in his red Mercedes waiting for her.

"How much did you miss me?" she asked once she got in the car.
"Too much. Never leave again."

He rolled down the windows, turned up the music, and just like that, she was home.

Later that night they attended a small gathering at Jonah Tremblant's house.

Christmas in California just wasn't the same. There was no snow on the ground. The air was warm. Cambria wrinkled her nose at Jackson as they stood on the front porch and rang the doorbell. She was wearing jean shorts with one of Jackson's hoodies. He was dressed similarly. They both sported a red Santa hat.

Jonah answered the door and Cambria thrust a bottle of wine at him as they entered. Everyone was gathered in the living room, the faux fireplace on for décor. Naomi sat cross-legged on the floor with red knee-high Santa socks dishing out candy canes. Beside her was Lacey, Michelle, and Heather, mugs of hot chocolate filled to the brim with Bailey's. Off to the side stood Grayson, who was watching Ian struggle to fix the cabling on the TV.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Grayson remarked as they walked in and took a seat on the couch. "And so she returns."
Heather: "How was home?"
Cambria: "A lot of fun, actually. But I'm glad to be back."
Grayson: "Where's Nat?"
Jackson: "She's out of town for the holidays. Palm Springs."
Cambria was aware that, had this not been the case, she probably wouldn't be here.
"What's your vote," Naomi said looking between them. "Frosty or Grinch?"
Jackson: "I don't care."
Cambria: "I'm fine with either."
Naomi rolled her eyes. "You guys are not at all helpful."
Grayson: "Not like we'll ever get the TV working anyways."
Ian: "I'm doing my best."
Jackson: "Where's the booze?"
Cambria: "He's fiending."
"Drinks and snacks are in the kitchen," Jonah said. "Help yourselves."

They stood at the kitchen counter, hovering over the cheese platter. Cambria dished out two plates, then grabbed a bottle of wine. She poured one glass that they shared between them.

"My stomach hurts," Jackson said as he took a drink.
"Is it wise to be drinking?"
"Yes, obviously."
"You're insane. Do you want Tums?"
"You have?"
"No, but there's probably some around here somewhere." She began opening cupboards. "Jonah, do you have Tums?"
"Second cupboard on the right!" he yelled from the living room.
She brought the bottle over to Jackson, twisting off the cap and giving him one.
"Thanks, mom." He popped it into his mouth, chasing it with more wine.
"When does Natalia get back?"
"Next week. Tuesday, I think."
"She's not here for New Year's?"
"Nope."
"What are we doing? Grayson's?"
"Yes. He hosts every year."
"He seems to host everything every year."
"Basically." He took another drink, handed her the glass and she did the same.
"I guess I'll need to figure out an outfit. What will the atmosphere be?"
Jackson was staring at her. "I need to talk to you about something."
"Sounds serious." She placed their glass on the counter. "Is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine. It's just... it's about us. And our friendship. I don't really know how to say this."
"You're scaring me."
"I'm sorry. It's Natalia. We had a talk about some stuff."
"Pertaining to me?"
"Well, yes. Solely pertaining to you."
"Did I do something?"
"I think we just need to cool it a bit, you and me."
She stared at him, uncomprehending. "What do you mean?"
He took in a big breath. "Natalia thinks we hang out too much."
"We barely hang out anymore."
"Yeah, well, we still do."
"What are you trying to say? That we can't hang out anymore?"
"I don't know what I'm trying to say."
"Jackson! What's going on?"
He grabbed the wine and finished the glass. He reached for the bottle and filled it to the brim as Cambria watched in silence. He glanced up, met her eye, handed her the glass.
She took it hesitantly, took a drink. "Where is this coming from?" she handed it back to him.
"I guess there's some stuff I haven't told you. Back in September, when we got back together, she said that part of the problem is how much you and I hang out."
"Is that why you've been so distant from me?"
"Yes."
"Okay... but we're best friends."
"I know that. But she thinks you have feelings for me."
"What!? Did you tell her I don't?"
He didn't respond.
"Jackson..."
"Well, do you?"
"No! Of course not. Why would you even think that?"
"I don't know, it's a valid concern, I guess."
"So you agree with her?"
"I don't know what I agree with. All I know is that my girlfriend is very unhappy about our interactions."
"Well maybe you should tell your girlfriend that she has nothing to worry about and that I'm not trying to steal her boyfriend."
He scratched the back of his neck. "Okay."
"Okay? That's it?"
He hunched over, resting his arms and forehead on the countertop. "I don't know what to do."
She watched him like that for a moment, not saying anything. Then she pulled him back up so that he was facing her. "Talk to me."
"I'm just trying to ensure everyone's happiness."
"Except mine."
He didn't respond.
"I feel like I'm being punished. Like I did something wrong."
"You didn't do anything wrong."
"Then explain it to me. I don't understand."
He held her gaze for a moment. "So you don't have feelings for me?"
"No! You're my best friend, Jackson. I love you, but not like that."
"Okay."
"Do you believe me?"
"I believe you."

But even as he said it, she knew he in fact did not believe her.

______

As Cambria lay in bed that night, tipsy from the alcohol in her system, she was distracted by thoughts of Jackson.

They had managed to come to a resolution. He promised he'd talk with Natalia and try to come up with some sort of solution. But until he did that, Cambria would be walking on eggshells.

The last thing she wanted was either of them thinking she had feelings for him. Because if the consequence was losing Jackson, then she didn't want it.

He was her closest friend, partner in crime, sole confidant. Without him she'd be lost. She wouldn't even know what to do with herself anymore.

She could understand where the confusion came from. Since the day they met, Jackson and Cambria had spent approximately seventy-five percent of their free time together. They slept over at each other's houses. She was close with his family. They'd go grocery shopping together. Spend evenings alone over a bottle of wine. Fall asleep in his backyard by the fire. But if she swapped out Jackson for Mara and looked at the situation that way, it wasn't at all incriminating.

It was a tale as old as time, that men and women couldn't be just friends. Cambria never had a guy best friend before Jackson. She didn't think she was the type. But looking back, she hadn't been the type for female friends either. She wasn't the type for any friends, really. Not until Jackson. When she met him, something just clicked.

What she needed to do was distance herself. Just enough to eradicate any suspicion he had about her. Prove to him that it wasn't like that, and that she'd be perfectly fine without him, even though that wasn't actually the case. She just needed him to believe that.

For the first time, Cambria considered the possibility that she may actually have feelings for Jackson. The notion was absurd. But was it true?

She knew they had a connection like no other. She knew he was her favorite person. And she knew how she felt when she was with him. But was that infatuation, or companionship?

It was hard to tell. She found it difficult to envision anything romantic between them, mostly due to how platonic and familial they were with each other. But then there was the kiss at the end of September, and she didn't really have an excuse for that one. Because no matter how hard she tried to deny it, deep down, she knew she liked it.

She tried to justify that as well, blaming it on the fact that Theo was gone, and she was lonely and heartbroken, and Jackson was there, and he had just broken up with his girlfriend, and tensions were high, and they were high.

As Jackson had said, it was a mistake.

Her head was spinning. She didn't know what to think anymore, how to even determine something like this. It's easy to confuse feelings of camaraderie for enamor when you're as close as they were.

There was only one way to tell whether she truly had feelings for Jackson or not. And that was to fall in love with somebody else.

If the feelings for Jackson dissipated, then Cambria knew she was safe, the whole thing chalked up to loneliness, infatuation from proximity.

However, if she fell in love with someone else and these feelings for Jackson persisted... well, then she'd be doomed.