Lover Is A Day

Chapter 7

‘What is it?’, I ate a spoonful of rice
‘You two seem very close’, Zenna interrupted from across
‘We’re just talking’, Shubham said ‘Or do you want to exchange places instead’, he giggled
‘Nah I’m good’, she grinned 
Shubham spoke softly so that only I could hear. ‘Yes, so as I was saying… lets go on a date’. I choked.
‘…I meant with Neha and Zenna. What did you think? haha’, he chuckled. I grabbed a glass of water.  And straightened myself.
‘No’
‘Why not?’
Good question. ‘No reason’, I said
‘you’re soo discourteous’, he said
‘Is that what you were asking for?’, I asked
‘Yup’, he sounded unusually dejected. ‘So that you could atleast get to know Zenna before you reject her’, he added
‘So, you’re trying to set me up with Zenna…?’
‘yes’
‘Then why would you and Neha accompany?’
‘Well, you see… I like Neha. But every time I want to spend time with her, Zenna comes along too! So, when she said that she likes someone, I realized that if I set her up with that person, then she’ll leave us alone’, he said and smiled to himself
I looked at him in disbelief.
‘So, if we go on a double date, then it will be a win-win for all of us’ :D he showed thumbs up
‘And how am I winning?’
‘Well, if, and I’m saying “if” you started liking Zenna then you’ll get a girlfriend’, he said ‘I know you’re popular in girls and all…, but Zenna is pretty too’
‘Well then how do you know that I don’t already have someone that I like’, I looked at him. Our eyes met.
‘Do you have someone?’, he asked in a serious tone
‘No’
‘I figured’, he went back to smiling, and sipped coke
‘I’ll think’, I said after sometime of silence.

‘I’ll think’, is what I told him. But he heard ‘yes’, because, when I came back home, he had already texted me time and location of our “double date”.
It was a rainy Saturday afternoon, and I was lying on my bed. Our “date” was in the evening., so I had a whole day to pass. I turned over and switched on the tv. Every channel was boring to surf by. so, I switched it off.
He likes Neha. Hmm… Neha is the quiet girl that they hang out with. She has thin glasses and short, brown hair and is very shy and timid., but she makes an effort to include everyone. Is that the type of person that he likes?
What was I expecting? I wouldn’t say that I’m jealous… actually I can’t pinpoint what I’m feeling like. But I feel bad, maybe a little heartbroken. I don’t know why I am feeling like this.
But isn’t that how this world is supposed to be- boys go with girls and girls go with boys. Why am I out of this line?
I don’t want to think about this anymore, but I can’t help since that all that’s been clouding my mind these days. I know what homosexuality is, and I have always tried to exclude myself from that topic. But recent events are only pointing to that. Everything lately has been somehow related to that., as if the whole world wants me to admit it…
But I won’t. And I’m not doing this because I have to, I’m being like this because I want to. It’s my choice to not be it, so I won’t. I’ll just never speak of this to anyone. And no one will ever know. ‘But what if I lost control and did something on impulse?’, I thought. No! I won’t let that happen. I will go on that date.

Shubham, Neha and Zenna had chosen to watch a movie, I was just tagging along.
‘So, Raj, you’re from Delhi?’, Neha asked
‘Yes’
‘I see’
I felt a little bit awkward, but I couldn’t help it, I always did. 
‘Why did you come here then? Don’t they have good universities there?’, Zenna intertwined. She almost said it in a mocking manner.
Because I wanted to use education as an excuse to run away. That would sound weak. Come to think of it I had no decent reason. But she was waiting for an answer.
‘Why did you choose this university?’, I asked her instead. I remember someone saying that if there are questions that you can’t answer, then ask them a question instead.
She looked at me surprised then she went back to grinning, ‘No reason’.
I continued to stare at her. She looked like she was planning to kill me.

We reached the theatre. Neha went ahead to buy tickets, Zenna followed her.
‘What were you doing?’, Shubham asked me
‘What?’
‘You should be kinder to girls’, he said
‘Why?’ I asked
‘Zenna was trying to flirt with you and you-’, he sighed
‘She was?’, I asked. It felt less like flirting and more like ragging.
He dramatically closed his eyes, to show disappointment to my hopelessness.
 
Before he could answer, Neha and Zenna came back. They had chosen some horror movie.
‘It was the only decent movie they had’, Neha said
‘No, it’s alright’, Shubham added.
‘Let’s get popcorn’, Zenna tugged at Neha, Shubham and I followed.
‘Do you want popcorn, Raj?’ Neha asked
‘No’, I said.
They all got 3 bags of popcorn. Shubham offered to hold Neha’s popcorn in one hand, and his own in other. She was hesitant at first but then gave up. Shubham eyed me to hold Zenna’s popcorn too, but she started munching it. So, I held one of his instead.

Once in theater, Neha sat at the far end, Shubham wanted to sit next to her, but Zenna took that seat. So Shubham had no choice but to sit next to me. I gave his popcorn to him, and he passed his to Neha.
The movie they had chosen was called “The Nun”, it was about a Romanian sister who went to a weird place with a priest to undercover why a nun had committed suicide. The movie was slow paced and boring. But the guy next to me, Shubham, was intune with all the jumpscares, reacting to every one of them. A ghostly looking nun appeared on the screen, I looked at his face, he looked scared but still was interested in it. Come to think of it, I don’t really look at his face much often…  Right then Zenna turned at me, it was dark, but I could feel as if she had a funny expression.