Imperium

Chapter 3: Within These Arms

By noon, the grey clouds have parted enough to give the streets the light glow reflecting off the snowbanks that line the roads and sidewalks and the slush slowly melts into small trickles of water that run down the gutters and into the sewer grates beneath the curbs.

The sun sits high in the sky, although it's already getting closer to time for it to set. That's just one of many drawbacks from ending up on a new continent in the middle of winter. Days are shorter and nights are longer.

Colin walks up the dampened stone steps in front of the motel and walks down the row until he reaches the door to room 13 and he stops. He glances at the knob and takes a deep breath before reaching to grab it, stifling the subtle way his hand shakes. He guesses it would probably be much worse if he were still a Bio SRL, but he oddly doesn't mind the feeling. When he feels the fear and uncertainty, it makes his heart beat faster, reminding him that he's alive.

He turns the knob and pushes the door open, cautiously stepping in and looking around the room. The lights are on now and the curtains of the window are pulled back to let the natural light from outside shine through.

Edith isn't in bed, but he sees that the bathroom door is closed and he can hear the showerhead running water on the other side, so he doesn't let himself get worried. He just softly shuts the door and hangs up his coat before walking over and sitting down on the edge of his bed while he waits.

He doesn't mind this brief moment of time to himself as it gives him time to think. He's still new to having both a heart and mind so he struggles to keep everything clear. When it was just his thoughts and emotions, it was easier. But once his emotions start influencing his thoughts is when he struggles to keep up. Even after his hour-long walk, he failed to process everything going on.

He just doesn't want to ruin things any more than he already has for Edith. Looking back, he can see where he had missed the signs. In Idyll, he should have seen what was going on with her. If he had known back then, then he wouldn't have let her go to the Citadel and he knows that Cree wouldn't have either. They could have gone home.

But would that have been worse? If they walked away from the mission to free the SRL and his heart never spoke with his mind, the Pull wouldn't have gone away. The thought of finally being happy with Edith and the child only to end up Insentient because of the Pull seems worse than what really ended up happening. Even still, it doesn't make their situation better.

He just wishes he could have done something before the merging. If he had only known what she was going through.

Stopping his thoughts from escalating any further, he hears the water from the bathroom turn off. After a moment, the door clicks and opens. Edith slowly walks out with a towel wrapped around her body and her hair is soaked. Despite the fact that she's covered, he still feels the need to look away for some reason.

"You don't have to do that," Edith says quietly. Colin slowly returns his cautious gaze to her as she walks over to her bed. She sits down at the corner, careful to not get the sheets wet by pulling her soaking hair over her shoulder and wringing the water out onto her lap, letting the towel absorb the falling droplets.

Colin nods and keeps staring at her as he starts trying to process his thoughts again. What's happening? Just this morning he was able to keep his thoughts and emotions clear and concise, allowing them to run in parallel while dealing with Fritz. But now it's all jumbled and every time he tries to speak, that uncertainty returns and he gets choked up.

Edith bites her lip and sighs, lowering her hands from her hair and gently placing them on her lap. He can tell that she's also feeling the uncertainty by the way her hands shake as well, but he can't tell if she's feeling it or if she's just dealing with his emotions because of their emotional link.