My Man: For Christmas [ManxMan]🦂

Javier ~09

What was I thinking? That he would stay? That he was mine?

He never promised me anything, rather than sex. And thats what he gave me.

Sex.

So why am I hurt?

This is me. No matter how gentle, how nice I can be, they  always run.

But Stone was different. I know he is. He is everything I ever needed, even when I didn't know i needed him.

I flinch when the shower turns cold. What am I doing to myself? Its fucking midnight and what, am taking a shower? Seriously?

I am older now. I can't do useless  hook-ups.

No scratch that, I don't fucking do useless hook-ups. And what did i just do?

I thought he liked me. I though- oh fuck it. Maybe i should stop thinking sometimes. Maybe i should have fucking minded my damn bussiness to begin with.

As i keep basking on self pity, my phone buzzes. Rushing and grabbing it quickly only to curse.

Its not him. Fuck it!

"You don't seem that happy to hear from me, and should I be offended?" A deep voice rips out from the other line.

I throw my wet body on bed. Covering my eyes with one hand. A sigh of frustration escapes me. And I pray my friend misses that. But he doesn't.

"Something wrong?" He asks.

Yeah, something is freaking fucking wrong. I got my heart broken over a one night stand and now I can't stop thinking about him and I feel shitty for being left all over again. "I mean why do people leave me? Am I that bad or something? Am I missing something? You are my friend Gray and maybe you know something I don't. Do I have a problem? Or a stamped note on my forehead that says run away as fast as you can?"

My eyes shut as I try to think?

But I can't say all this. I can't ask all this to my friend who just called me at the middle of the night. So I put my best work in my voice, gentling it and try to listen to what he wants in the first place.

Only…

"Well J, anyone who leaves a good man like you is stupid. And I mean the dumbest dumber of them all." He says.

A little laughter trys to escape him, a laughter that makes me laugh to.

"Says the guy who refused to date me over and over again." I pout. Adjusting myself in bed, not caring that am wetting it anymore. "Serious, we could date and put ourselves out of this misery. With people who don't want anything to do with us." I say the last part slowly. Almost a whisper.

Gray and I have been friend since we were ten. We grew up together and all. Watched each other first heart breaks. Then another. Comforted each other many times than I could count.

Then one day I came up with the stupidest idea. That maybe we should date each other. And trust me, we will be great together, out of this world.

But Gray had eyes for one man, John. And even though I brought that idea up, I only wanted to make him happy, because John is bad news. And Gray was nothing but a wreck.

Deep down I wanted to have that. That deep love. That big love. I wanted to love someone so big and so deep. To look at him as if he is my world.

But love is hard. Love is fragile. Love is freaking painful.

I have got more pain in love than happiness. And tonight was just a reminder of that.