Learning to be Strong Alone // Jeraphina Fanfiction

Chapter V: Little Black Sheep

"I felt so hated,
I felt so weak.
Life's no fun when you're
the little black sheep."

...............

John's POV

Beep, beep, beep!

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.

.

I slowly opened my eyes and tried to blink away the light, but it wouldn't leave me; it stayed stuck to my scrunched up face and paled skin.

The night had come and gone, forcing me to face the world of hatred and loneliness where we lived . . . not that my dreams were an awful lot better to live through.

It was never this bad, was it?

The dreaded feeling of waking up, I mean.

All my thoughts and feelings felt blurry and began to clash in my tired mind from only just managing to open my eyes.

Was it . . . always like this?

Who knows? The recent days have just been a forgettable blurry mess.

There's nothing for me to remember.

Nothing at all.

Carefully, I swung both my legs out of the warm protection of my blankets and then I turned my alarm clock off—the sirens stopping the instant I hit the top.

That caused my room to fall into a pit of silence.

Ignoring it was getting hard and making my headache only ever so worse.

I've never felt so . . . empty.

Do I . . . want to get up?

Do I need to continue on like this?

Who am I even here for?

I decided against my dark inner thoughts and stood up off my bed to get ready for my morning run.

Running has always been like a medicine to me; it hides all my thoughts and anxieties. It helps me to become unfocused from the dull world.

That's just what I need, right now.

Slowly jogging my way along the path—not taking my eyes from it's beaten concrete, just jogging at my own pace in my own world.

The sun had only scarcely touched the sky, leaving a beautiful bright glow in majestic purples and pinks to float around the puffy clouds that streaked the once-blue.

These were always my favourite parts of my morning jogs—the beautiful skies that were strung along with each painful step.

Gradually, I slowed my pace to a stop and sat down on the closest bench-wooden and old.

My breath was raggedy from running and my heart was beating rapidly.

No matter how much it hurt, I loved it.