Legacy // H.S

23.

'Imagines just sailing away'

*

The days between Christmas and New Years are usually some of my favourites. Lounging around doing nothing but eating leftovers and watching festive films, only wearing pyjamas and getting up at midday. Dad and I lived in our little bubble, not venturing out until both of us had to head to work again, just enjoying each other's company in perfect bliss. Comfortable, relaxing, safe.

This year, it's a little different. There's no parent to cling to or time to hold onto. No comfort in our situation. Instead, each day is spent wondering if it will be our last and doing everything we can to make sure it isn't.

Today, I am not cuddled up on a sofa with Harry, as I initially hoped I might be. Instead, I am in a car with his friends, on my way to the house I spent many years in, to try and find anything that can save us.

After Christmas day, I managed to let Harry know what the team had been up to, and our next move against Hugo. He agreed to it, but of course he's not ready to make the strike himself yet, so he's let the rest of us continue taking charge. Zayn offered to stay with him, bringing Babz over to our house for the day while they go over some heist plans, and Niall and Claude have joined me on a road trip back to Aldeburgh to try and find some more content we can use from Dad's belongings that may incriminate Hugo. The most I've visited the house in years, to be honest, but I wish each time were under better circumstances.

I also tried to convince them that I'd be fine to go on my own; that Hugo would hardly launch an attack on a busy train. Of course, that was inconceivable to the group, and they quickly assigned people to join me. I like being with Niall and Claude, though. They always seem to find the brighter side of things. Even in the darkest of shadows, there's something peeking through, and they latch onto it every single time.

We haven't discussed the heist or threats on our journey, instead mindlessly going through every conversation topic we can, but it's been a nice break from the tension in the house. Something to distract me, to distract all of us, I suppose.

We've all been handling it differently. I've had to try and stay rational for Harry, to not let that sadness consume me so he has at least one person he can use as a life raft. Niall became quieter in the weeks that followed Louis' death, though. Not his usual playful self. Rather demure, distanced, broken. He didn't joke or smile, there was none of the usual laughter bouncing off the walls. Even when he gave me a Christmas card, it was with a subtle nod and a shrug of the shoulders. Inside, it read 'Atlas. While it may not seem possible, I hope you still have a happy Christmas, even if it's just for a few hours. Keep those eyes kind because we need them more than ever, now. From your favourite, Niall.' I put it on the mantlepiece in the living room after, and it's still there now.

Claude, on the other hand, has been quite boisterous, other than the moments we sit in a circle and try to process what we've been through, and how it feels. During the day, he'll take on the energy that others have lost like he's just holding onto it until they're ready again, and he uses it to encourage everyone that's still willing to turn up. Some of his team dropped out after Louis died. They saw some of their own die that day, too, and realised this wasn't the usual sort of heist they'd signed up for. This was far more dangerous because it was more personal.

There's a lot at stake here. For mine and Harry's families, and everything they left behind for us. For the one we've created with the group and ensuring they're safe enough within our hearts. For those that have agreed to join us, as stupid as it may seem, and recognising that they also have families to return to. A whole cycle of responsibility and guilt, fuelling every decision we make these days.