For you| Pedro Pascal

23. The heartbreak

    I thought I would listen to everyone and just take the weekend to myself. Although it seems that my biggest struggle is pushing away the thoughts on figuring out who was with Pedro last night. Drop it Andy. I pull my nude sweatshirt over my head, looking back in the mirror to make sure my hair was alright. I pulled my bag over my shoulder and headed out of the room. I had sunglasses on, hoping to avoid any attention today. After walking a couple of blocks, I arrived at a coffee shop. One of my favorite ones. I pushed open the door and saw that there was barely anyone in there. "A small drip please," I ask the girl. She nods, charges me, and has my coffee ready at the end of the bar a few moments later. I walked back out by the street, trying to figure out what my day would consist of, however, I found myself already walking back to my room. I guess it was pointless to walk all this way for a coffee that wasn't even making me feel better.

   All I could imagine was ordering breakfast in my room and wallowing up behind the blankets and watching tv. "Back so soon?" The door man said. I smiled at him and simply held up my coffee. "Nice choice," he said as I passed him and headed back towards the elevator. I made it back into my bed and quickly kicked off my shoes. I turned the tv on and switched it to Netflix. I clicked on the guest profile and moments later it opened up. Narcos was on my suggested and my heart broke all over again. The tears pooled my eyes again and I quickly switched the tv back off.

***

    The sun was faded through the window. I had slept for the majority of the afternoon. "Shit," I say to myself, still not moving. I pushed the empty coffee cup to the side, trying to grab my phone. Before I did, there was a knock at the door. "I'm good!" I shout, hoping housekeeping would leave. There was another knock. I threw the covers off and quickly shuffled to the door. I opened the door and my heart jumped. "Not housekeeping," I say under my breath. Pedro was standing there. He looked like shit. His eyes were red. His hair ruffled. "What are you doing here? How did you even find me?" I ask, the door remaining half open. "Cassie," we both say together. I bite my lip. "What do want?" I ask sternly. "Andy please. Let me come in and we can talk," he says, trying to push passed me slowly. "Oh because now you're ready to talk? Now you aren't occupied? Now is a good time for you?" I ask him. I spin, walking back to my bed, the door closing behind me.

"Andy look, I know we both were going through stuff and we were both being..." he begins. "What? Selfish? I'm sorry I was being selfish P. You know what? I should have been there for you," I snap. My eyes water. "Andy, that's not. Look, I know I handled it wrong. But you wouldn't talk to me and I was upset," he said, sitting on the edge of the bed. I crawled under the covers. "I don't need any explanations. I get it. It's alright," I say quietly. "It isn't." I don't look at him. "Who was she?" I say. He knows who I'm referring to. "An old friend. She's nothing to me," he says. "Why would you choose to turn me away then?" I ask, sitting back up to look at him. I'm sure my eyes are red by now. "I wasn't ready to talk to you," he admits, scratching the back of his head. "There it is. You blame me," I say. He shakes his head. "I don't... I don't blame you Andy. I'm just upset at life right now." His voice cracks and my heart is on the verge of shattering.

"Look, we both made mistakes and handled this wrong. But we obviously aren't good friends for each other right now. We both just need some space," I begin. His hand slams on the table hard. "No. You don't get to tell me what I need. Damn it Andy I need you. You're just gonna mope around New York and not talk to me? Not see me?" Pedro pleads. "I won't be moping around New York," I say. "You're leaving again? Andy you can't be serious. We need to deal with this," he said. "You knew that I was over there," I say. He turns to look out the window. "I thought I was worth more than an in and out weekend Andy. But you've made up your mind then and that's how I plan to proceed then. Good luck with that shit plan Andy," he says, grabbing his keys off of the table and walking out, slamming the door behind him. "Pedro," I say, almost whimpering.
I run for the door and down the stairs, knowing better then to wait for the elevator. I don't know what came over me, knowing that what I was doing was wrong.

I spiral down, flight by flight. I push through the doors and run out, seeing him step into his car. "Pedro!" I scream out. His car starts moving as I push through the doors. His car drives off too fast for me to reach. He leaves me in his trail as the rain pours down on my head hard. I grip my chest over, clenching the shirt that stuck to my wet skin and my world shatters all over again. My knees give in, but before they slam into the sidewalk, hard hands grip my shoulders. "Hey, hey, hey, Andy. Shhhh," the voice says softly.