GRISHAVERSE X READERS

ANGELS [MATTHIAS HELVAR]

FEMALE READER!

Based on "Angels" by Robbie Williams

So when I'm lying in my bed / Thoughts running through my head / And I feel the love is dead / I'm loving angels instead

Warnings: spoilers from Crooked Kingdom (I still haven't been able to read but I have researched), cold hard angst, mentions of death, but kinda also hurt/comfort??

Word count: 522

It was storming outside. Rain whipped against windows and walls creaked slightly in the strong wind, disturbing everyone's sleep, but to you, it didn't matter anyway. You had slept only a couple of hours every few days since... you didn't even want to think about that day.

Light pierced your room as the door opened, and soft steps slowly approached your bed. Was it morning already?

"Y/N," Nina's voice mumbled, and you rolled over, groaning.

"Leave me alone," you grunted. Nina sighed, laying a bowl of soup on the night stand but you showed no interest in it.

"We're all worried about you. It has been weeks, Y/N," Nina sat down on your bed where you had spent most of your time since... that happened. It was too painful to say aloud, and you didn't want to see him dying on the street all over again. "You should at least eat."

"I'm not hungry," you muttered, and Nina fell silent for a moment before you felt her hand on your cheek, stroking her thumb over your cheekbone.

"Matthias wouldn't want you to turn like this," she said, her voice barely above a whisper and you knew she was holding her tears back too. "He loved you so, so much."

"Well, we don't know what he would want anymore, do we?" you snapped and pushed her hand away. "Just... leave me alone. Please."

Nina sighed, knowing this day was no better than yesterday, or day before yesterday, or last week. She stood up, smoothing her dress before nodding at the bowl of soup. "Promise you at least try to eat, okay?"

You mumbled something which resembled "yeah" enough and Nina left your room, gently closing the door.

A few moments passed, before you felt someone sit by your bed again. You groaned. "I told you to leave."

No answer.

You turned to look at Nina, but instead saw nothing - and as soon as you realized it wasn't Nina a calm feeling washed over you and you swore you smelled Matthias's cologne for a moment. You stared at the nothingness in your room, frozen in place before the feeling of someone sitting on your bed started to fade - leaving you with a feeling of Matthias visiting you. You laid in place for a moment more, and then your eyes wandered to the bowl of soup, and you slowly sat up, carefully taking the bowl in your hands and stared at the content inside it, before you took the spoon and carefully took a spoonful of soup.

It felt automatic, like someone was feeding you with your own hand, and somehow, it felt like Matthias was still there, wordlessly telling you the same thing that Nina had told you all the time - you should continue living. Find someone else who makes you happy, I'm sorry I couldn't stay. You almost heard him saying it.

And for the first time, you had a tingle of a feeling that maybe it would turn alright. Maybe you could keep living. Maybe everything would turn out fine.

Your love was dead, but you could love angels instead...