INEXPLICABLE _(ⁿᵒ ᵒⁿᵉ ʰᵃˢ ᵗᵒ ᵏⁿᵒʷ, ᵃ ʰⁱᵈᵈᵉⁿ ᵖˡᵃᶜᵉ ᵒᶠ ˢᵉᶜʳᵉᵗˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈᵉˢⁱʳᵉ)

Chapter 1 ( 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔 )

Leaving my home and family feels strange. I have never been away from them, not even for a single day, so I am not sure how to process this. Izzy's happy, Mom and Dad are happy, and even Max is thrilled because they all know how desperately I wanted to be part of the AI program at one of the country's best technical schools. Sure, it might have been easier to get in Dad's one of the school's trustees but I earned my place fair and square. Top grades, highest GPA in my bachelor's. I worked hard for it, really hard.

Right now, the entire house is buzzing with excitement. Everyone's packing my stuff. Izzy bought a mountain of clothes from every brand she could find. Mom's filling boxes with snacks my favourite cookies and her homemade sauces. Max is helping them, and Dad's busy buying me a car. I have told him a hundred times not to, but he insists. It's not to show off just his way of showing love.

I can feel their pride. They have seen me grind for years without asking Dad for favours, even though his connections could have made things easier. And more than that, they supported me when I accepted who I am...my sexuality, my identity and when I fought for it. I will be forever grateful for their love, patience, and the way they have treated me with respect and care.

"Mom, I am not handing out my favourite chili-berry jam sauce to the whole school.....wait, what?! Mom, that's way too much!"

She just smiled, sealing another jar. "Sweetheart, it should last until Christmas. I can make more when you visit, so let me finish this. Go check if anything's left to pack. Izzy already sent your bags to the car."

"Yeah, okay... I will be back in a few minutes."

She looked at me knowingly. She knew exactly where I was going. I hated it..but I couldn't just leave without saying goodbye to him.

Alec:
Darling, coming to your place.
Show me your face once before I go...
I am leaving for LA today.

Mine to be:
Waiting in the garden. Come quick.
And don't honk that filthy car horn....you know I hate it.

Alec:
Okay, okay, coming :)

When I reached his house, my face lit up. He was there, waiting. The moment he saw me, he ran straight into my arms. God, I didn't want to leave him. Not today. Not ever. I kissed him, slow and desperate, looking into those honey-colored eyes I could drown in. He gripped my T-shirt near my collarbone, like letting go would hurt too much. "How many days?" he whispered, tears gathering in his eyes. "How long do I have to stay away from you?"

"Three months," I said softly. "Until Christmas." He stepped back, loosening his hold. "Why are you doing this to me? You know I can't... I can't be without you that long. Just the thought of it kills me, Alec." I reached for him again, brushing my fingers against his waist.

"Hey... it's just a few months. You will come there too, remember?"
"Yeah, but still. Three months? I will go crazy without you."
"I know," I whispered. "But you know there is a way to ease the pain, right?" He looked uncertain. His eyes darkened.

"Alec... you know we can't get married or engaged right now. I'm not ready for that. It's too soon. I'm not even sure..." I turned away, tears blurring my vision. "What are we then?" I asked, my voice trembling. "Hm?"
I spun back to face him. "What are we? Lovers? Friends? Best friends? Boyfriends? What are we?"

His expression shifted from confusion to annoyance.

"You know what, Alec? This is exactly why i am not ready. And maybe I never will be. For the record...we are nothing." The car keys slipped from my hand. I couldn't breathe. My chest tightened like I had been shot. I fell to my knees on the road, tears spilling freely, while he just turned around and walked back inside.

Stan, his bodyguard, came over and helped me up. He patted my back and handed me some water.
"You need to grow up, kid. It's been three years, and you still don't see it this isn't love. He doesn't care about you. He only cares about himself."

I let out a broken laugh. "My mind agrees with you, Stan... but my heart doesn't."

He sighed. "You have got a bright future ahead of you. Focus on that. You have got a great family waiting for you. Mr. Lightwood called...your new car is ready. Go home."

And so I did. For some reason, leaving felt right. Maybe I wasn't heartbroken...just... released. If he is meant to be my destiny, life will bring us back together anyway.

When I got home, Dad my superhero was standing beside my brand-new BMW. I ran to him and jumped straight into his arms. We both fell laughing onto the ground, while Max snapped a photo of us on his Polaroid. "Dad, you are the best! Thank you! It's perfect my favourite color!"

He smiled, eyes soft. "I just wanted to see your face like this. This is what I live for." Max hopped into the passenger seat and tossed the keys at me. "Come on, Alec, enough hugging! Let's take it for a spin!" Dad laughed, and we went for a short ride together..one last family joyride before everything changed.

Later, while I was getting dressed, Mom stood in the doorway watching me through the mirror. "Hey, Mom, don't get emotional, okay?" I said, buttoning my shirt. "You can visit anytime. I promise I won't do anything stupid. No drinking and driving, no falling for bad influences." She sighed, worry written all over her face

"You will find someone who truly sees you, Alec...someone who'll love you completely. Let him go, sweetheart. He is not worth your pain. You deserve better." I turned and hugged her tightly. "Don't worry, Mom. I will be fine. And no....there won't be anyone else. I don't want anyone but him."

We walked out together. In the living room, Dad, Izzy, and Max were waiting. Izzy had tissues in her hand, Max's eyes were red, and Dad...usually the toughest of them all... was crying the hardest.

"Come on, you all look like I am going off to war, not to grad school," I joked, laughing through the lump in my throat.

Izzy sniffled. "I am gonna miss your perfumes and sweatshirts." Max grinned. "Yeah, and your watches. And maybe your whole closet." Everyone laughed. We all hugged one last time, then got into the car. Dad insisted on driving me to campus himself.

Dad hated the idea of me staying in a dorm. He wanted me in a private apartment, but I refused. Being around people felt safer I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts, not after everything with him. Mom and Izzy explored the dorms while Dad met the dean. The place was cleaner and fancier than expected, so Mom complained less and Dad finally relaxed. Max, of course, was already chatting up a girl in the cafeteria. Typical.

When the room assignments were posted, I went to find my name on the list...but got distracted.

There was a boy standing nearby. White fitted T-shirt, black jeans, a grape beer bottle in one hand, a small suitcase in the other. I couldn't even see his face yet, but something about him pulled me in. I just stood there, staring.

"Sweetheart, let's eat something. You three must be hungry," Mom called. "Izzy, call Dad...ask him to meet us in the cafeteria." We headed there, and sure enough, Max was still flirting with that girl. I called out from behind him, "How old are you, dear brother?" He froze, pretending to talk on the phone. "Uh, hey bro! I got lost...I am here in the cafeteria. You are not coming? Okay, see you later then...."

"Max," I interrupted, crossing my arms. "You are sixteen. You don't get to flirt with random girls that long while your family waits for you." He turned pale, fake-laughed, and said a quick goodbye to the girl before hurrying over. Dad gave him the look, Izzy looked proud, and Mom kissed his cheek. I kicked his leg under the table. "Ow! Alec, give me a break!" he hissed.

We all laughed and dug into our food. The cafeteria burgers were surprisingly good cheesy, messy, and exactly what I needed to end the day.