INEXPLICABLE _(ⁿᵒ ᵒⁿᵉ ʰᵃˢ ᵗᵒ ᵏⁿᵒʷ, ᵃ ʰⁱᵈᵈᵉⁿ ᵖˡᵃᶜᵉ ᵒᶠ ˢᵉᶜʳᵉᵗˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈᵉˢⁱʳᵉ)

Chapter 52 (umm...the birthday)

"You so evil Alexander"

"You are so persistent In ruining me"

"I tried so hard not to hate you"

Whenever I close my eyes to sleep I hear his voice in my head a voice full of hurt, despair, and betrayal. It's been three days since we both fought. I tried to make any conversation with Magnus after it but failed miserably. He looked like he had been starving for days there were dark circles around his pretty eyes and his body frame looked leaner than usual he was not sleeping in his bed now, instead he acquired a couch and slept there or we can say he moved his all stuff to living room area his laptop, his books, his towel, his slippers, his perfumes everything. I knew I shouldn't have behaved like shit with him that day yeah, I didn't like how he allowed Thomas to kiss his cheeks but there were many ways I could have told him that. I messed up badly this time I never raised my hand at anyone in my entire life but him, him? I am sure I lost him forever now. I gave him tons of reasons to hate me why would he choose me? He put so much effort into me since we met and I admit I made him suffer so much firstly because of Jace and after because of Cale how can I tell Magnus that Cale is nothing to me I feel nothing for him but Magnus? He is precious to me.

I didn't spend the night with Cale much only had quick hangouts, he looked upset well it's his problem, not mine. He is constantly sweet texting me, and calling me he is not a bad person I could tell till now but yes he is an extremely clingy, horny, and broadminded guy sometimes I wonder if all britishers are like him because his friend group is also so casual and pathetic. Anyway, I am not intentionally avoiding Cale but something inside me told me not to fuck with him now. I tried to talk with Cody and Evan but neither of them made conversation with me just for formality that was only about the final paper and the project and the funds we needed to withdraw for it that's it no other talks when I asked them how are both of them doing both smiled sadly at me without answering, patted my back and left. that behavior made me feel so sad Scarlet and Caterina didn't even look at me in Prof. Bouchard's lab session. I am trying really hard to reconnect with my friends who are extremely dear to me but I am failing again and again.

I saw Caterina walking towards the cafeteria I ran after her "Hey!" she kept walking "Hey carrot!!" She turned around once she saw it was me who was calling her she rolled her eyes and walked ahead. "Seriously?..how long you are gonna ignore me?" I shouted from behind her "Long enough to make you realize you are the biggest dickhead and acting like a man whore for a month now and you lost all the love fate brought in your life....so now, please leave me alone I have someone waiting for me" her attitude alone will one day kill me. She is another person calling me by names but surprise to me I wasn't offended at all instead her words slapped my face. "interesting! Actually, carrot you might have misunderstood my situation. it's you who is losing the love fate chose for you.." I tried to lighten up the environment a little "Never Alec!... I would never do that to someone who loves me and I know what you talking about who are you talking about..so let me fill you in..Evan and I are together now...and stop calling me carrot" She took her coffee and left.

Max calling! Finally, someone remembers me.

"Hey Max"

"Wish you a delighted birthday my asshole brother" I wasn't offended at all at that 'asshole' gesture rather I was happy.

I chuckled lovingly "Thank you, Max. I am glad you called. I was am missing you guys so much"

"Mom has been crying since morning... it's your first birthday away from home since you were born, so our mother is miserable..hang on....." He handed the phone to Mom.

"Alexander!...darling.. happy birthday Sweety...I wish you all the happiness in the world...may god take away all your pain and always show you the right path in your life...I miss you so much Alec..." she sniffed in between wishing me, oh my silly mother how much she loves me even if she knows I am not a good kid at all at least not better than Izzy and Max. She always does that she always wishes me on my birthday with my birth name which I am eager to hear from someone special to me. I haven't seen Magnus since yesterday does he remember my birthday? Or he is literally done with me, does he?