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october 24, 2001
the first time i stumbled by you was on accident. i spent lunch periods alone, usually under a cluster of baby oaks, watching the cotton clouds drift by on the sky, buffeted by winds that i couldn't feel. but that day, i had itched for something different, veins bubbling for adventure— discovery. i wandered the campus, observing and appreciating all the little nooks and crannies i could return to (another day) to hide among the concrete walls in quiet solitude.
eventually i made it to the very outer edge of the school, rounding the old art classroom to see a perfect little alleyway except— there you were. your body crowding a disheveled looking girl against the building, her shirt rumpled and slipping down one slender shoulder and skirt pushed so far up it was past indecent. a cigarette dangled lazily from your lips while you whispered something in her ear, one hand smoothing over the exposed flesh of her waist.
my quiet gasp hadn't been heard by the girl, shameless pleas urging you on still dripping from her mouth, but you had. sharp and fluid as a whip, you turned your head to meet my shocked stare with hard eyes that quickly melted into sooty pools of wickedness. sending me a dark smile, you flicked the cigarette off to the side and knelt at her feet, keeping your eyes on mine while brushing kisses to the tops of her thighs.
vicious delight danced within your gaze as blood flooded my cheeks and i turned, burning with the need to get away. away from you. away from her. away from your mussed hair and sinful smirk, which coaxed a hot feeling to well up within me. you gave a low chuckle as i fled in embarrassment, and it echoed in my head like a prayer as i retreated to my safe place amongst the oak saplings.
i didn't dare to leave my usual lunch spot for a week.
when i finally worked up the courage to go back to the art classroom, i still approached the art classroom cautiously, blood thrumming in a strange dance of anticipation. i couldn't tell if i just wanted to see if the alleyway was empty now, or if i was looking for you.
you were alone this time.
i was wondering when you'd be back, you murmured before i had even fully walked into the alleyway. i froze in guilty terror and dangerous intrigue.
only the foolish would seek out a predator.
come here, you exhaled in a plume of smoke, an indolent and cold smile touching your lips as your body sagged against the wall on which you leaned casually.
i obeyed, entranced by this version of you. tough. deadly. quiet and yet commanding. i couldn't see a trace of the brokenness in you that i saw that day in english.
when i got close enough to see the storms raging in your eyes and faint purpling under your lower lashes, you tipped my chin up with surprising gentleness.
i've never kissed a boy before, you mused, eyes tracing the planes of my face, but you intrigue me— you paused, then gave me a small smile.
i barely had time to process what you said before-
may i?
my answer must have shown in my eyes because you leaned down and kissed me. it was vicious and consuming, your lips dancing across mine brutal as a battle song, delicate as the bite of snow on hypothermia ridden skin yet burning with the warmth of a thousand supernovas. in the moment we were infinite. everything and nothing reducing into a single point in my line of vision- you. we were flying and falling, indestructible and yet powerless. mortal. i was drowning in you.
we felt like two lost puzzle pieces coming to fit as perfectly as the way our lips slotted together. gently. reverently. beautifully. an uninhibited groan tumbled past my teeth to land at our feet, my raw heart pulsating and bared for you to see.
you had pulled back immediately when you heard it, and we both froze, faces still so close together i could count the nearly invisible freckles clustered across the bridge of your nose. i could feel a furious flush building across my face, and started to take a hesitant step back when your hand shot out to grip my wrist.
wait.
you looked deep into me, eyes intense in their searching before your mouth pulled into a slightly crooked but endearing smile-smirk that left my heart aching, pearly white teeth nearly glowing in the dim light of the alleyway.
