If I could tell you || Chanlix

07

I love you

* * *

The loud chirping of birds and incredibly cold breeze of weather woke me up. I opened my eyes with trouble adjusting to the light coming from my window when I heard a giggle coming from beside me and an arm suddenly wrapping tightly around me.

When I completely opened my eyes, I stared at the smiling man beside me. I lifted my hand and touched his face to make sure if it's real because waking up in his arms feels like a dream.

"Merry Christmas," he spoke.

I remained staring at him blankly until he chuckled and move his face closer to mine then kissed me. I kissed back at him, it feels like a dream when kissing him was the first thing I ever did in the morning.

I was enjoying everything when suddenly reality hits my hard skull. I immediately stopped and pulled away. This is wrong.

Chan looked at me shocked and worried, "why?" He asked.

I didn't answer him but instead, I stood up and walked to my closet with a horrible pain in my back, "fuck," I hissed in pain.

"Felix, what's wrong?" I ignored Chan completely and continued looking for something to wear and cover my exposed body. I saw him stood up and put on his pants too.

"Get out," I whispered when I finished dressing.

That took him in surprise, he stared at me with concerned look and slowly walked to my direction, "what's wrong? What happened? Are you okay?" He worriedly asked while trying to reach out for me but I moved away from him.

"Leave, Chan." I said as I try to push him away.

He stopped right in front of me, "what's wrong?" He repeated but this time more firm but the worries on his expression is still visible.

"What's wrong? Why are you asking me that? Everything's wrong Christopher!" I screamed, taking him by surprise. I can't believe I let this happen, I can't believe I'm this desperate to have him. He's fucking engaged! I can't believe I'm this low.

I feel bad now, I feel bad for fucking up with someone else's fiancé. I can't believe I'm this low. I feel horrible! The pain I'm feeling in my bottom is nothing compared to the pain I'm feeling inside my chest, my heart.

In the end, I'm still miserable. after that intimate night, I'm still the one who should leave because I'm not the fiancée. I let Chan cheat with me, I'm fucking horrible.

I can't control myself and just cried right in front of him, I'm feeling guilty, I feel horrible.

"Felix?" Chan worriedly called out. I don't understand why he's still here.

"Leave me alone Chan, are you not feeling any pinch of guilt? Are you not disgusted?" I asked him. How can he still stay calm after everything? He's technically cheating to his fiancée and I don't understand why he's still acting like we're not anything wrong.

"Guilt? Disgusted? Why?" With that I stopped moving and just look at him in disbelief. He was looking at me blankly which scares the hell out of me.

"You're scaring me Chan," I'm scared because he's acting like he doesn't care at all.

"Love, why are you so tensed about it? Relax," I blushed at the endearment he called me but I still feel uneasy. I don't understand a thing that's happening to him, he's not acting like himself.