Coldest War (War Series #2)

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#war2wp

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Wounds and Scars

Have you ever felt scared of someone because she's so beautiful?

It's scary because you can't take your eyes off her. Scary because she stirs something in you that your three-year-old self can't understand. That's what I felt when I first saw Rinnah Selene Jimenez when I was three.

She has tan skin, she's taller than girls her age, and she's always smiling. She loves having friends. She's different from me.

Parati siyang may mga tao sa paligid niya. Parati siyang gustong lapitan at kausapin ng iba. Madali siyang magustuhan. Madali siyang mahalin.

That's why it wasn't hard for me to realize that I admire her. Like a hero-Rinnah has become someone I looked up to when I was younger. She's always there for me. She always helps me when I am in trouble. She's a friend to me.

Rinnah helped me find my passion too. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have known I loved studying and playing chess.

I want to be like her. I like how she makes friends with everyone and how she's considerate with everybody. Wala siyang pinipili. Lahat, kaibigan niya.

Napapatanong ako minsan kung bakit hindi ko magawang maging katulad niya. Why can't I talk to people casually? Why can't I start conversations? Why can't I easily open up?

"Ma," I remember calling my mother when I was still young but she doesn't answer. Nasa phone niya ang atensyon niya at kanina pa nakakunot ang noo, mukhang galit. "Ma," I call again.

"Later, Hiel. Mama's doing something," she says.

Bumaba noon ang tingin ko sa kamay kong may sugat. Magkakatabi ang mahahaba pero maliliit na pasang 'yon. Masakit kung tinatamaan. "Mama," I say again.

"Hindi ka pa rin uuwi, Herman?" she says to the other line of the call, ignoring me. Natahimik ako. "Hindi ka umuwi kagabi! Ni hindi mo man lang ako sinabihan. Sana, hindi ako naghintay sa 'yo na parang tanga!"

I was scared of how my mother raised her voice that time. And because she was busy, I decided to just not tell her that my nanny pinches my palm whenever she gets mad at me.

Ate Sherlyn hated it whenever I make mistakes. Kapag nadadapa ako noon, kinukurot niya ang palad ko dahil pasaway raw akong bata. Sa loob ng palad niya ako kinukurot para hindi kaagad makita ng mga magulang ko. She told me to not tell Mom because she's going to hurt me more. She told me that she hates me and that my father doesn't love me that's why he's almost never home.

Mom sounded upset with Dad. I thought that if I told her that my palm hurts, it will just bother and worry her so I decided to just keep my mouth shut.

Pero ang hindi nakita sa 'kin ng mga magulang ko, nakita ng batang si Rinnah.

Naaalala ko pa kung pa'no napuno ng luha ang mga mata niya habang pinagmamasdan ang palad ko noong puno ng pasa dahil sa kurot ni Ate Sherlyn. She looked horrified and I couldn't understand why she looked so hurt with what she saw.

She told Tita Lina, her mother, that I had bruises on my palms. Iyak siya nang iyak nang sabihin niya kay Tita Lina ang sugat sa mga palad ko. Hindi ko naiintindihan noon kung bakit siya iyak nang iyak kahit ako naman ang may sugat at hindi siya.

Rinnah still looked like a princess even when she's crying.

Nang yakapin kaming dalawa ni Tita Lina, saka ako napatanong ng bakit sila ang yumayakap sa 'kin nang gano'n at hindi ang sarili kong mga magulang?