Naive and Damned

Prologue

Eren

Eren didn't know where he was. His mouth gaped open in a silent scream, hoarse and unable to project any longer. He blanched, his stomach emptied and only burning his throat. The pain was all-consuming; it no longer had an origin, battering his every muscle, every bone.

'No matter what era it has found itself in, it has ever pushed forward, seeking out freedom.'

Only one voice could match his pain, demanding his attention like a witch reciting her curse, over and over.

'For the sake of freedom, it fights.'

Eren could not ponder, could not argue. Under a storm of blades, he could only endure.

'Have a family.'

The rhythm of his pain mimicked the blaring sirens, varying between low throbs that consumed his thoughts to unbearable peaks that didn't allow him to think of anything besides those words.

'Love someone inside the walls.'

Stay awake.

'If you can't, it'll only repeat.'

Stay awake.

'The same history... the same mistakes... over and over... to save Mikasa, Armin, and everyone else, you must see it through.'

Endure.

'...whose memories are those?'

Stay awake.

*

"Mr Kruger? Ah, hello there. My name is Varlet, I'll be your primary nurse while you recover and adjust to life back in Marley. I hope we get along!"

Offered to him was a calloused hand, which he stares at blankly. It hovers there for five seconds or so, before it drops.

Eren doesn't look up to see the nurse's expression. Rather, he looks down, eyes unable to stray from his newly absent leg for long. It only throbs in random bursts now; much like an itchy mosquito bite would... if the itch stole his breath and made his nails dig into his hands until they drew blood.

The nurse had moved onto introduce herself to his new roommate. Eren barely remembered his face, despite waiting with him for the last hour. Just like Eren's leg, his psychological state rose and fell without warning. An unpredictable mess, Eren's already turbulent sleeping patterns would fall to the wayside with his incessant mumbles.

Eren had felt pity for the man, a few days ago. The man's mind was completely broke, leaving him a muttering mess. He felt pity for many people in the trenches, in the internment zone – in Marley. Such feelings were fleeting and unimportant, but unrelenting in their own irritating way. Eren's willpower could only suppress those feelings for so long, and after losing a limb keeping his guard up had finally fallen to the wayside. His mind and body were completely exhausted – his body fighting on its own without his healing abilities for the first time in his teenage life, and mind fighting to stay conscious and refrain from helping his own body.

It seemed the nurse had finished with the other soldier now. She was asking to tend to his leg.

"...yes."

With 'Mr Kruger' giving his consent, the nurse politely thanked him and went to grab the clean bandages. With nothing else to do than to be tended to like a dying animal, Eren's mind wandered, no particular train of thought guiding him as he let time pass him by.

*

A week had passed now, and Eren was outside at his usual spot, sitting next to the warrior in training he'd now met a couple of times: Falco Grice. The blond was a cordial boy, bearing a kind heart on his sleeve with his trusting nature, which he'd swiftly exploited during their first conversation.

"So, Udo ended up having to do thirty laps extra. He looked so exhausted... but aside from that, everything turned out alright!" Falco finished recounting his story with a smile. Despite his initial intentions with the kid, Eren had listened closely, nodding along with sparse comments.

"I see. Do they not get along?"

"No, it's not like that... Gabi and Udo can argue over anything, but they really care about each other." Falco clarified. Then he snorted adding: "they once fought over a slice of carrot."

Most of Falco's recounted stories were like that – childish tales, simple and to the point. To Eren, it was very endearing: Falco's tone unable to hide the affection he had for his friends, all too honest. That simplicity made it easy to latch on to, a brief distraction from Eren's new, stale lifestyle.

He asked about the carrot incident, and allowed Falco's voice to keep him afloat so that his mind didn't trail back to his unavoidable reality. Rather, he felt an increasing level of genuine interest in Falco's and the other cadet's escapades.

It only lasted so long.

Soon, Falco was off with a nod and farewell, leaving Eren to watch the sky slowly fade into darkness.

Eren felt pity for many people in the trenches, in the internment zone – in Marley. For a child trying his best to save his friend. Eren couldn't help that. What he could do was refuse to let them make him hesitate or control him in anyway.

Two nights later, and Eren hears his roommate sneak out in the dead of night.

The morning after, he overhears Varlet and another nurse speaking in hushed tones, mourn his death. A suicide.

Eren felt little surprise. He could have prevented it, if he'd wanted to do so. However, that would have made him stick out to the nurses – what unstable veteran suffering from memory loss could keep an eye on others around them? The answer is very few, so Eren had chosen to close his eyes and fell asleep.

His room is empty now. No other patient was immediately sent to fill the dead man's place. When night comes, he closes his eyes easily with no incoherent mumbles to keep him awake.

He doesn't fall asleep for hours.