I've Loved Him Before

Chapter 1: Crazy Side

"What are you doing here?" I asked him my eyes wide in surprise. "I just..." His breath was heavy as if he ran out here. His eyes slowly trailed down to my lips again as he very softly and subtly licked his lower lip. My eyes trailed lower towards his chest, playing with the collar of his tux. And then it clicked to me, I just saw him getting married in that tux I was fidgeting with and I just kissed a married man. 

I stepped back, horror replacing the wonder in my eyes. My hand involuntarily went up to my mouth. As I whisper-screamed at him, "Nils! you are married, married to a woman you love. And you just kissed me." I said my heart seeming to shrink in my chest. He glanced at me and then the church across the street. "I-uh-I don't know." That is all he managed to say. 

My eyes trailed to his trembling hand, the silver ring glistening in the dimming lights. A shadow came running to us, "Hey, Nils. What are you doing out here?" The best man asked, his eyes looking from me to Nils, "Umm, I just came out here to get some air." He said, "and I bumped into her." I raised up my hand in a small hi. 

"There's a problem. They did promise us the lawn but they double booked it against a funeral." Nic explained, oh, and how this wedding was already turning into one. 

"What did Katherine say?" Asked Nils slowly regaining consciousness. "She said that we would have to take the party to your new apartment," Nic said, "Oh okay, then let's do that."

Slowly and steadily I noticed everyone leave for the apartment a few blocks in the opposite direction, when Nic seated the last few people before he himself got into a taxi turned to me and said, "Come on, this one is full but in the next one we'll ride together to the after-party." and I just looked at him with the same daze in my eyes, holding my clutch in a death-grip, "Oh, no I'm not going to the party." I said with a forced smile, "I think you should come." He said with a small smile hailing to a taxi as it stopped and held open the door for me. And I looked at the black leather seat shining in the warm church light and I thought to myself, fuck it.

We got into the taxi and it zoomed away from the church. I was wearing simple silver heels on my blue silk midi which had a ruffle on the front which exposed my one leg more than the other. With my hair slicked back and silver jewelry to accompany it and a clutch. I noticed all this about myself in the elevator mirrors as I tried to concentrate on anything other than my heartbeat. 

The doors dinged open as Nic lead me through the marble corridors and through a door with thumping music into the biggest apartment I had ever seen. I had a pretty big apartment myself but I never needed it big because it was always mostly me. How much space do you need for two people? But for them, that was another story.

It had two floors and a huge pool in front of the living room. I knew Nils' career as an influencer had flown sky-high but never this much and then there was also the fact that Katherine was just as rich as he. 

***

And I fumbled, I fumbled with my words. This was way harder than I thought it could be. What are you doing I thought, you are thinking of getting a divorce on the day you got married because of a girl you knew six years ago? 

I looked at Katherine waiting for me to say something after I pulled her aside into our kitchen. Her green eyes looked at me with wait. I looked at her, really looked at her. An international model with a successful career who I am in love with for sure was now my wife. Should I just let a simple kiss which could've just meant some kind of fear mechanism of maybe I lost something great, lose this beautiful and perfect soulmate I've found? I did have to tell her what happened.

So I did tell her and she looked pretty calm, but after knowing her for the years I knew calm didn't always mean okay. I told her exactly what I felt about it and how that didn't mean any second thoughts about marrying her.

She just hummed and walked out. I followed her a few seconds after, my eyes scanned the room for friendly faces and that's when it locked down on Nic who just entered the house with someone a little outside my vision in a shimmery dress. I hugged Nic and offered him a drink and a few seconds after my eyes cleared upon his partner, Dhruvi. Okay, this wasn't good news.

My head whipped to the opposite side of the room, Katherine who was also coming towards the entrance of the house to greet Nic. Like me, her vision also hadn't yet focused on Dhruvi. She pulled Nic in a short embrace and went on to look at Dhruvi behind her. Something in both their postures shifted. She hugged Dhruvi and they lingered and I saw Katherine's lips move.

She disengaged and walked over to another group of people. Dhruvi looked straight at me. I walked to her, "You told her you to want to be with her still didn't you?" She asked, and I just nodded. There was hurt in her eyes, and then it switched. She scoffed and said with a smile on her face, "You don't have the balls to leave her because you are scared you might lose something forever. You don't want to take a chance because it is too much of a risk to you. Guess what? Seeing her, seeing you; It won't work out either way because you can lie to yourself no matter how much, and yet you will always love me."

And she walked away from me into the balcony. Her dress slipped off and everyone watched her as COPYCAT by Billie played in the background. Now I remember this because it was the first time I had seen Dhruvi like that, the kind she was back home. I saw hints and flashes of it while we were together and I always laughed it off. It was her crazy side.