I've Loved Him Before

Chapter 3: Leave Again.

Past visions flashed my mind as I blinked one hard blink suppressing them back into the darkest and deepest part of my mind. Not now. Nils got up from his sofa and sat down next to mine. He placed a hand on my thigh and looked at me with sympathy, the kind I hadn't been looked at for years now. My parents knew but I never went back to India and whenever they visited me here I was busy and now Nils knew. I couldn't let myself get soft not like the time before. 

"Did you actually have no one with you?" He asked, his expression melting me. "I- I did, Ronald a year after Lavender was born. But," My throat was closing up, "He left me for someone else." I said closing my eyes and letting a lone tear roll off my cheek. Concentrate on something else. 

And I concentrated on the man in front of me. His gentle touch on my thigh near my knee. His soft expression. I knew I loved him and he didn't love me and just like that my crazy side receded to the background again. He could make so comfortable with a single touch. I raised my hand to touch his face but hovered there knowing he didn't love me and it couldn't be possible. 

I put it back down nestled in my lap. "I think you should leave now," I said looking down tears pooling my eyes again. He hesitates but gets up, and walks out and as I hear the elevator door ding open I get up and set down the glass and look at the corridor as he gets in. I pick up my clothes and get my clutch and heels from the table and the door dings again.

I look at the door again and he comes in and he kisses me. And I let the tears roll down this time and he looks at me frantically speaking, "You, I love you. I was scared and I was doubtful and then I saw it in your eyes the same look I saw you have in that hospital bed. Your words said to leave but your eyes said to stay and I don't know I couldn't make the same mistake again. I couldn't walk away from the woman I love again, my heart couldn't do that and survive again." he said and I smiled up at him. 

"What about Katherine?" I asked with a smile, I knew he won't be able to leave her. Just as hard it was for him to leave me it would be to her. "Nils, you are in love with two people." I say to him, "You need to choose. And you know what I've been through no matter how briefly but you know and therefore you know how careful and sure I'd have to be." I say to him, "It's you Dhruvi, it's just you." He said leaning in to kiss me again, "Kiss me when you only have me. When you've only chosen me." I say stepping back and with a little hurt in his eyes, he nods. Kissing my forehead he steps out again, with another sense of determination.