crappy thoughts of life

1-19-2022

Okay so I haven't posted in a while sorry about that, I have been stressed and haven't had the time. Anyways my mom texted my dad and he never responded and hasn't said anything about it in general. I asked him and he straight up lied and he was literally like "Today or in general" I told him in general and he was just like "No." Like seriously he doesn't care about what I want. I also have a problem with my jaw and I need braces. Its something serious that needs to be taken care of, so I keep asking him when my appointments are. In December he told me in January. I asked him in January and he said at the end of the month. I asked him the other day and he said it's in February. Well my step-mom was mad that he lied to us and said he hadn't gotten texts because we know for sure he got it. So when he fell asleep she grabbed his phone and came up to me and she showed me that he had deleted it, also we found something else. He's been telling me I have a dentist appointment and the text he had was from the dentist saying I was overdue and needed an appointment. Mind you this text was sent to him on December 29 2021. He read the text to and still didn't do anything about it!

Also beyond all this my friend is telling me that its not the case and he probably forgot when it was and then telling me the text might have not gone through. I think I would know if my dad didn't care about me. She doesn't even know how my dad is. She still thinks my dad name is fuhking Bill. Its stupid how she is trying to "Help me see the bright side" There is no bright side of this. He just doesn't fuhking care. Nobody does anymore. I just wish I could disappear and be forgotten so I never have to be bothered by anybody else. Never be a burden again. My shoulder blades are cut to shit(I cut my shoulders because my wrists would be too noticeable). Getting dressed hurts when the shirts rub against my arms. It then peels the scabs and the are bleeding again. It sucks but I can't just stop when my dad makes me feel like crap. Its funny how your dad can break your heart before boys can. One of my favorite quotes about having broken home/or any problem with your father:

When a girl has a bad relationship with her father, or he's not in her life for whatever reason, she will always try to find the love that she wishes she had with her dad from a boy, she will put so much trust and expectations into him like she would her father, she just wants someone to LOVE her like her dad would...

My dad wasn't even there that much in the beginning of my life. He only stepped in because my mom left. She was going to take me but he wouldn't let her, to be honest he doesn't deserve me or his girlfriend. I always get attached to my guy friends when they pay attention and listen to what I have to say, because it's something I don't get from my dad. It always hurts when they leave and then they remind me of my dad. I become to think they hate me, think I don't matter and anything of that sorts.

Anyways thanks for reading me rant again. I love all of you and stay safe... Remember if you need anyone to talk to I am here!~That Emo Kid Everybody Hates<3