Perfect Widow

Ch 11

Time Skip to Helicarrier: 

"In case it's unclear, you try to escape, you so much as scratch that glass-" Fury pressed a button and the floor beneath the cell opened, the wind screaming beneath Loki. "Thirty thousand feet straight down in a steel trap. You get how that works?" He pushes another button and the floor goes back to normal. Fury gestures to Loki, "Ant," then at the control panel, "Boot." 

Everyone was watching the interaction between the two men, very intently might I add. The whole thing made me quite uncomfortable. Loki did not seem like the type of guy who would kill and torture just for the money involved. No he did it for the pleasure and power it brought him. 

"It's an impressive cage. Not built, I think, for me." Loki responded, referencing Banner who was watching from the other side of camera. 

Fury nodded, "Built for something a lot stronger than you." 

"Oh I've heard..." Loki turns to the direction of the camera, his eyes staring into ours, "...A mindless beast - makes play he's still a man...How desperate are you, that you call upon such lost creatures to defend you?" 

Fury makes his way to the cage slowly, "How desperate am I?" Pause. "...You threaten my world with war, you steal a force you can't hope to control, you talk about peace and you kill 'cause it's fun. You have made me very desperate. You might not be glad that you did." 

Loki smiled, "Ooh. It burns you to have come so close, to have the Tesseract, to have power- unlimited power, and for what? A warm light for all mankind to share?" I shivered a bit, memories of training sessions with my mom coming back to me. He sounded just like her. "And then to be remind what real power is." 

Nat turned my face toward her, not caring if the others saw her break her tough exterior, they were too intent on watching the screen. "Are you alright детка?" Her other hand was on mine, rubbing circles on my palm. I nodded, turned away from her. We had other priorities for the next few hours, I didn't want to distract her from them. 

Another Time Skip (sorry, I can't write yet another talking scene that Alina wouldn't have much input in. She basically just sat there, listening in on the conversation.) Compound at night: 

I don't like this Loki guy. He kills without guilt or shame. He doesn't care who he hurts, all he wants is power. My mother thinks that way, I shouldn't even be calling her my mother anyway, she certainly didn't treat me like one. 

Nat ran her fingers through my hair, spooning me from behind. "What's on your mind детка? Is it Tony?" I shifted my body so I could rest my head in her shoulder. 

"No, it's not about him." I muttered, closing my eyes. "It's stupid really." 

She moved back so my face was right in front of her, my eyes snapped open, "Darling, your feelings and thoughts are not stupid." 

I nodded, I guess she was right. Sometimes I forgot that it was okay to be vunerable, it was still programmed in my brain that I couldn't from all of the those years with my mom. Natasha always reminded me that it was okay to be sad, or happy, or angry, or nervous. "It's Loki. He reminds me of her." I didn't even have to say her name for Nat to understand who I was talking about. I had nightmares about her often, she did too I reckon. She never spoke about her though, it was a heavy topic for the both of us. 

"I killed so many people for her..." I mumbled, my lip beginning to quiver and my eyes got bloodshot. "I've murdered so many for her. I killed them. I killed them."

Nat put her hand back on the back of my head, pulling my face back into her neck. "Oh sweetie." She cooed as the sobs began. "Don't blame yourself, you had no choice."

Once I calmed down I tangled myself within her, melting towards her skin, "Can you talk?" 

"Sure darling. Any preferences?" 

I shook my head, "No." 

"I had these amazing peanut butter bites when I was away. They..." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Again!" My mother ordered. My 5 year old self stood up yet again, preforming the same dance routine I had been learning for the past couple of days. I lost my balance half way through, falling to the floor on my face. My mother kicked my ribs, "Get up!" 

I obeyed, swiping away the sweat that had appeared on my face. She walked around me in a circle, studying me as if I was some sort of specimen. She finally stopped, bending down and coming face to face with me, close enough that I could smell her minty breath. "You're not good enough." 

"I am mother. I promise. I will become the best of the best." I stood tall, not breaking under her harsh gaze. "I will become your perfect widow." 

She backed up, "Again." I was going to become my mother's weapon. I would do everything I could to help her gain power. Whatever it took. I started dancing again.

This time I didn't fall. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"детка. детка, wake up." Nat's voice woke me from my nightmare. "детка, it's okay." She whispered, seeing I was now awake. She wiped away the silent tears rolling down my face. The softness of her fingers calmed me down, bringing me from a frantic state to instead just a silent, broken one. 

She looked concerned as always as she watched me lay back down, she followed as well, letting me sit in her embrace again. "детка?" She asked, wanting to know if I was okay. 

"I'm fine Nattie." I lied, closing my eyes again. "Just tired." 

She shuffled next to me, resting her head again. I knew she didn't believe me, but if 9 years taught her anything it was that I would come to her eventually. Instead she let me rest in her arms and began to sing a lullaby. 

(Pretend I could find a noncreepy one and she's singing it) 

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A/n: Sundays are probably going to be my update days. This chapter isn't really related to the events of Avengers. I just wanted to show that she still wasn't okay ig, idk. I just flet like writing sappy stuff. 

Good night/good morning/good afternoon/whatever.

Drink water and eat please.