|19| surgeries and shitty coffees

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And little by little,
She found the courage
For it all.

~JH Hard
____________

I've Grown Accustomed to the smell of a hospital, its the type of smell to fill you with worry and leave a pit in your stomach the size of Jupiter, every day people come and go out of the hospital,

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I've Grown Accustomed to the smell of a hospital, its the type of smell to fill you with worry and leave a pit in your stomach the size of Jupiter, every day people come and go out of the hospital,

with either the feeling of contentment and closure about something...sometimes happiness, and other times leaving numb, in pain and dead inside, people get amazing news in here and tragic, the hospital can be the very place to save your life...or the last place you step foot in.

I sit uncomfortably in the hospital chair in the waiting room fidgeting every few seconds, it has been the longest three hours of my life, and my nose has grown used to the smell of chloroform, sanitizer and metal-like smells that I'm assuming are blood.

As minutes pass and I watch nurses come and go I get hit with memories of me here as a kid, being here for my mom's blood tests, scans, and checkups, but it was also the last place I saw my mom when doctors said she was going into advanced heart failure and since they caught it so late she wouldn't make it...that next night she passed away with my hand in hers,

It was the night a piece of my heart genuinely broke off knowing I lost both of my parents in a hospital...the same place as a child you think is a magical place that fixes your scratches and helps you feel better.

"CODE BLUE, CODE BLUE IN ROOM 4B" the intercom announces muffled by the door, but it's loud enough to bring me out of my sad memories

I watch nurses running and speaking about a woman going into cardiac arrest all of a sudden, I make a silent prayer out to that woman hoping she gets a second chance at life and that these nurses may be able to help her with possible pain.

I fidget once more in my seat hoping everything is going good with henry and Aaron, it has been a very busy week of constant work on the rooftop, doing as many big things we could so that henry could rest after his transplant without work stress, then at the end of the week Aaron had to get blood drawn, he was then explained what would happen in the procedure and what to expect with giving a kidney, then a couple of days ago henry had final scans and blood work done before his surgery,

We won't know for certain if Henry's body will reject the kidney until after the surgery, I just hope everything goes smoothly, even with the doctors telling me not to worry too much it doesn't lessen my anxiety or overthinking, my heart feels like its racing at 100 miles an hour, the nurse ended up having to check my blood pressure and heart rate because she saw me going pale and in a panic state, she told me it was normal for me to have my body going into stress mode with everything happening.

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