Of all the things

Chapter Three

Haley's 

My dad couldn't even look at me. Mom told me not to rush things, that up until now, my father is still trying to process this newly acquired information. I kept telling her that I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, lalo na ang sa kanila ni Dad. My mom should hate me, dapat pagalitan niya ako. But here she is, sitting beside me inside my room, holding my hand and trying to calm me down. Kanina pa kasi ako iyak nang iyak at kung gaano na ako katagal umiiyak ay ganoon katagal na rin niya akong pinatatahan. She kept caressing my back, she kept mumbling encouraging words. I know that was supposed to appease my feelings, but it's getting worse. I don't deserve this. I looked at my mother.

"Bakit hindi mo ako pinagagalitan, Mom?" I asked her in a small voice. She, then cupped my face.

"Anak, lahat ng tao nagkakamali. You made a mistake and knowing you, I'm sure that by now, you have learned your lesson and that you know all the consequences. I am your mother, galit ako sa ginawa mo, galit ako sa sitwasyon pero hindi ako kahit kailan magagalit sa 'yo. Anak kita, nahihirapan ka at hindi ko na dadagdagan iyon."

Lalo akong napaiyak. I buried my face on her neck and sobbed again for the nth time. Hindi ko deserve ito. Mas maiintindihan ko kung magagalit siya sa akin. Iyon ang nararapat sa akin, pero bakit pinipili ni Mama na intindihin ako?

"Nagkamali rin ako noon, anak," she said softly. "I married your father even though your Lolo Sancho despises him for what he did to me. Nagkamali rin ang Daddy mo. He was so blinded by pain, anger, and revenge that he did something inhumane to me. Like what I told you, not all fairytales start with 'once upon and time'. Your father was a monster, but he changed. He's a softie now. Nasaktan siya, pero tulad ng lahat, mapapatawad ka niya. Ikaw pa ba? You are his favorite." Hindi inaalis ni Mama ang mga kamay niya sa likod ko. It somehow helped me calm down. After a while, I looked at her again.

"I'm so sorry..." I touched her left cheek, doon tumama ang palad ni Daddy kahapon. She smiled at me.

"I know, Haley. But... can I ask you? Do you love Perseus?"

Love... out of all the things in my mind, ngayon ko lang naisip ang salitang iyon.

Did I love Perseus? I know for a fact that I did.

Noong nagsisimula kaming dalawa, noong pumupuslit kaming dalawa para magkita at magtago sa mundo, alam kong mahal ko siya. He made me feel things, he made me feel like I belong, he made me fly, he made me see things in his point of view. Back then, I know that I love him, I'm sure. But now, as I ask myself that question, do I love him?

Do I love Perseus?

I know something inside of me changed when things got out of hand.

Noong unang beses niya akong pinagbuhatan ng kamay, noong unang beses akong lumaban at nagkasakitan nga kaming dalawa, alam kong sa loob ko ay nagbago na ang lahat.

Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit pilit akong kumakalas, pero sa tuwing magmamakaawa siya sa akin... Every time we dwell on the pool of our lust that only intensified our sins, I know for a fact that my love for him decreases. Hanggang sa hindi na ako masaya, hanggang sa nauwi na lang kaming dalawa sa nakasanayan namin ang isa't isa, at nauwi kaming toxic na lang. I want him to let me go, but at the same time, I don't have any idea what I'd do if he did, but now, I am determined to remove myself from him.

Tama nang nasaktan si Mama dahil sa akin. Tama nang nagsa- suffer ngayon si Daddy dahil din sa akin. Hunter is mocking me, I have no idea what Heath, my sister Hyan and Hyron are thinking right now, but this had got to stop.

"I guess when we started, yes, I did... but..." My teeth sunk into my lower lip. Hindi ako makatingin kay Mama. "But now... I don't feel like that anymore. I had been wanting to end it, Mama, siya ang may ayaw, toxic na kami sa isa't isa... I don't know what to say to him anymore. I wanted out. Nasasakal na rin ako. Pero dati, hindi ako makagalaw, hindi ako makaabante, but now, I am sure. I need to let him go. I'll end this."