Attending his Wedding

Locked

German stood in my hallway, with a small bag at his side and an open heart.

"I appreciate you letting me in." he muttered, as he tapped his leg with his fingers.

"Well, I needed to speak to you." I sighed.

The air was tense and silent. The solution?

"Do you want a cup of tea?" I asked, biting my lip nervously.

German watched me intently, but then laughed.

"You always try to fix a situation with tea."

I shrugged, "Always seems to work."

German ran his fingers through his hair.

"Can it fix everything? This cup of tea?"

I shrugged, "It can fix this situation for one, athough I don't know about the entire, larger issue that's at hand."

German sighed, "Well, it's worth a try."

I smiled slightly and slid past him to the kitchen, accidently brushing against him in the doorway and found myself with electric shocks throughout my body.

Trying to ignore it, I flicked on the kettle.

I could feel German still standing in the doorway.

"You can go and sit down you know?" I said, not turning to look at him, instead focusing on dropping in the teabags.

I could still feel his presence for a moment but then he sauntered into the lounge and I visibly relaxed. I had tensed since he entered, building a defence wall, but once he was out of sight, I allowed myself to take a moment to regain myself, before pouring in the hot water, and taking the mugs into my cosy living area.

German sat on the sofa beside the computer and journals, holding the photo I'd just found in his hands.

I stopped and watched him for a moment, mesmerized by not only the movement of his hands, but the swirling sadness in his gaze.

"He's my collegue." I said, barely audible.

But German heard me.

He turned to me and gazed up, intently, staying silent.

"I've not truly been with anyone for a while."

German's eyes pleaded for more and my heart pleaded for him to stop.

"I-I've only dated twice since leaving Buenos Aires, and even then- I''ve not found anyone I love the way I-" I sighed, "I've not loved anyone since-"

I just stopped. I couldn't say it. I couldn't admit that I'd not been able to move on from him as well as I wish I could have.

Because true, I'd stopped thinking about him that way, stopped thinking of him anymore then who he was as a friend, collegue and brother.

Yet I hadn't stopped comparing people to him.

Did they try to woo me like he did? No? Then there is no point.

Did they offer to take me on a fancy date like he did? No? Then it's not worth it.

Did they take me in his arms and kiss me like him? No? Then my heart wasn't in it.

Because although I'd not thought about trying to win him back, or if we had a chance, I had thought about the way he loved me and how I wanted to be loved like that.

Neither of my boyfriends have loved me like that.

"So you haven't had millions of boyfriends like you claimed?" he asked in a whisper.

I sighed and shook my head, "Just two, although it's a lot more then what I had the years before."

German held up the photo, "But you found my journals."

I nodded, confused as to why the topic had changed.

"So you know." he said, once again playing with the photo, "You know that all this time, before, during and after every woman I've tried dating and even after I thought he was your boyfriend, all this time. You were my reason to live. You gave me the strength to make it through the day and it's a strength no one, not since Maria can give me, no one but you."

He didn't look up at me, just watched the photo, so I put down the mugs and came to sit next to him, feeling the need to be close to him. Feeling like I was being pulled to him by my every inch.

He turned and looked at me when he felt me sit beside him. His eyes were so sad, so lost.

"But I told you, if you needed me to go I would go and I did. Yet here I am again, even though you told me to leave you alone. Even though you hate me."

I shook my head and smiled slightly, "Oh German, I could never hate you." I whispered, flicking his hair back, and running my fingers through it.

"You told me to leave you alone." he repeated, watching me in amazement like a small child.

I shrugged, "What did you expect me to say? When you kissed me - at your wedding! It was so wrong German."

His eyes were locked on mine, "Then why did it feel so right?"

"I'm not saying it didn't." I said, dropping my gaze to my lap, "But it was wrong, it hurt people."

German gently lifted my head so our eyes met.

"Angie, the moment you left for France, my heart was locked away and you took the key. My heart belongs to you- that's something I can't deny any longer. I made a mistake. What do I have to do to fix it? To fix us?"

I squeezed my eyes shut hoping to stop my tears, but one slipped free.

"Please, no. Please don't cry. I'm standing here right now, asking you to tell me what I have to do, I'll do anything."

He's inches away.

Inches.

Closer to me in distance then ever.

Closer to me in heart then ever.

'Do it' my heart pleads, 'Say it!'

With his eyes locked in mine, I surrendered.

"Kiss me."