Just venting my feelings

Isn't it better to just give up?

 Perhaps I just struck a chord by accident. Like you said when you were trying to comfort me. It was like love at first sight but as friends. Well, if I still had no selfrespect that would have been enough. But I need to improve and the me from tommorow would have never been satisfied. I like you a lot, more than you like me. Where does it come from, where does it go? Where did it come from cotton eye joe. I apologize my sense of humour sneaked in. But seriously where does this feeling even come from. It doesn't make sense for me to have so much for you. In the past I always knew much more about the others I fancied. Did a lot more with them, had way more „adventures". Are we really just friends? To be honest I totally forgot about our first encounter. At that time I had another crush. But we got along quite well in hindsight. Should I have been more bold? Was there some chance? I can't keep asking myself these questions. I need to focus on my life and stop you from consuming the very same. Maybe I should just give up. Cancel our plans for this weekend with the others. But wouldn't that also be weird? Showing myself to be so eager and then chickening out at the last time. You live somewhere else and I don't have a place there to stay, but even so for one night, to stay just a little bit longer. I would have spend the night in my car, in the cold. Just for the memory of your warmth. And now I don't even know what to do...