Blue Angel

JANUARY (NY)

     The plane landed and I stepped out into the numbing New York air. My mother wasn't far, waiting with a happy face to see me. It made me smile, and first thing I did going up to her was pinch her cheeks. "I mished-dish-face," I said.

"Oh whatever. I know you're mad at me."

"No," I said, completely drained of hard emotion. "I don't care, Mom. I don't even remember what I'm supposed to be mad at."

"Who did your hair? It looks so good," she said testing the bounce of a perfect curl. "But why are your eyes all red and puffy? You miss him already?"

"I missed him the minute he booked my flight."

"Well, I'm sorry, my love. Mommy has been going through a lot and—"

I fanned it off and hugged her. She told me she loved me, I told her I loved her too and we were best friends again.

In the car, I told her I wanted to go to my apartment to see Nazim. That wasn't part of the plan but I told her I wanted to get it over with.

She offered to come up but I told her I'd call if I needed her. But unlucky for me, Nazim wasn't home. So I sat in the living room and called Prince.

"Your cousin was happy to see you?"

"I haven't seen her. My mom picked me up and she brought me to the apartment."

"Your at your apartment right now?"

"Yeah, but he's not here. I want to get it over with. But I'm going to start going through my stuff to see what I'm taking. I just wanted to tell you what was going on."

"What your mom say about your ring?"

"Um, I had gloves on."

"You didn't tell her?"

"No, baby, it's—"

"It's what? Complicated because she still thinks you're gonna marry the other guy?"

"Please, don't start. I can't handle this right now."

"I'll talk to you later then." Prince hung up—first of many.

Nazim came in the house around eight-something. I was in my closet on the floor, tossing unwanted clothes in a bag for charity.

"Oh." He was hanging up his jacket. "She exists."

"Hi," I said not looking.

"You come back home 100 months later and you're still upset with me? Some grudge you hold."

"I'm not upset," I said glancing back. "Just antsy because I need to talk to you about something important and I know you're going to dismiss it like you always do."

He kneeled beside me, twitching a smile as he swallowed me with his gray Egyptian eyes. "I did miss you, if that means the slightest anything to you."

"I've heard you had lots of company to keep you occupied."

"Why, that's absurd," he said evenly, keeping cool as he always did, running his finger along my jawline. "I missed my wife." Then he kissed my dead lips. "You look beautiful."

Feeling dirty, I got up and he followed me to the living room. "Sit." I turned to face him as he got comfortable, leaning back and bringing his ankle to sit over his knee. I tried to spell it out for him, make it clear as possible. If I knew Arabic, I'd say it in his native language too. "We're going through with the divorce."