𝔸𝕤 𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕤 𝕀 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦

Chapter 11

Tw: Child abuse, character death, violence, mentions of panic attacks

Tony looked up and away from the window he had been staring out of with unfocused golden brown eyes. Bereft of any wind, the leaves outside the window hung limp and lifeless on their branches until they fell of their own accord; there was no noise at all, not even the rustling of leaves. It was as if nature itself was conspiring against him, concealing the reassurance he desired.

Oh, and how he desired it.

Forcing himself not to think of Maria, her heart leaping and stuttering under her fingertips- too fast, uncontrollable- Tony ducked his head and pressed his fingers to his temples, shutting his eyes against the onslaught of painful memories.

Someone called his name from a doorway, and Tony brutally yanked himself out of his thoughts, shooting a fleeting look at the female nurse who had spoken, before returning his gaze to his lap, his hands clenched at his sides. The nurse had long blond hair twisted into a tight bun, with pale lips and eyes.

She didn't even light a candle to Maria's flame.

Sighing, the nurse lowered her eyelashes, veiling the bland grey-blue eyes behind them as if she could hear his thoughts.

"Come with me."

Gently, the nurse pushed back one of the doors to Maria's room, allowing Tony a glimpse of the contents within. The surgical light hanging above Maria's head illuminated the room with a faint white glow, just bringing into light the needles in Maria's arm, her sun-kissed skin mottled all over with cotton-wool balls strapped into place with sticky tape where the nurses had taken blood samples.

Imperfections.

Howard hated imperfections.

As the nurse opened the door wider, the light slid across Howard, standing at the head of Maria's bed with his head bowed. Howard looked up at Tony, his grey eyes empty.

Without another word to the nurse, Tony slipped sideways into the room, allowing the surgical doors to swing shut behind him. Immediately, the light dimmed, but the image of his mother, lying unconscious and unresponsive in her nest of tubes and wires seemed to be etched into his mind.

Tony couldn't help it anymore. He reached out for Maria's hand, heedless of the tubes and wires littering her chest and arms.

Fond memories of his mother entered his mind- Maria pushing him on the merry-go-round, each rotation sending him spinning, faster and faster until he dissolved into giggles and collapsed into her arms.

Maria meticulously cutting his hair, the love and care in which she tended to it laid bare on her face.

Maria bandaging up his cut knees and scraped elbows, laughing gently when Tony had tried doing it himself and he somehow wrapped his ankles together.

Maria, perched on his bed of star-wars printed sheets, patiently reading to him when Howard was down in his lab. All the world is made up of faith, trust, and fairy dust.

The memories already seemed like old black-and-white films, the pictures jumpy and obscure, the sound indistinct. Tony fought to make them clearer. This was all he had left of her now.

The heart monitor flatlined.

Behind him, Tony heard his father take a short intake of breath, the sound awful and distinct in the surgical ward. As Howard withdrew from his wife's corpse, Tony saw that his eyes were still empty. Cold. Unseeing.