Bleeding Sunset

Chapter 5

Sleep rarely came easy to me nowadays, and even when it did, I couldn’t asleep for more than two or three hours. I tried everything. I tried falling asleep later than everyone else who would have their bedtime at 9 o’clock. So Alessandro would leave me with the TV remote and leave me to enjoy whatever late night television shows would come on. So I would usually end up asleep on the couch sometime past midnight and at around three or so, I would wake up and just lay there with my eyes wide open, looking at the TV screen that I had forgotten to turn off, play whatever programme was running at that moment. 

This night was different because I fell asleep earlier. At 8 o’clock, I could barely keep my head on my shoulders so I went to bed, my feet aching from the painful shoes that I had to wear at work. I woke up sometime after 1 o’clock, and when I looked next to me, Greta’s feet were practically in my mouth. She was a terrible sleeper, always kicking and fighting in her sleep. The gag is, she’s sleeping on the floor tonight, but somehow managed to get her feet on the bed and begin kicking me. Her arms were sprawled out and her hair was put into a neat bonnet. Her mouth was wide open and she was snoring loudly. 

I was usually the one who slept on the floor, but I didn’t mind that. Alessandro felt bad about it and promised to buy me a bed as soon as he gets his next pay check but I don’t want him to, because there’s barely any space left in the bedroom. I assumed Greta didn’t want to wake me up and just opted for the floor. 

I couldn’t bring myself to just lay there and look up at the ceiling, so I just stood up and climbed off the twin bed. I went over to Greta and carried her onto the bed. She was mighty heavy and she was a heavy sleeper so she didn’t even budge as I dragged her to her bed. I let out a heavy breath as I finally set her body on the mattress before I grabbed the blanket and threw it over her. 

I looked around the dark room before I thought to head to the kitchen and maybe sit there instead. 

I was uneasy and uncomfortable all of a sudden. 

I walked out of the bedroom and made my way to the kitchen, trying to be as silent as I could. I poured myself a glass of water but could barely swallow a single drop of it because I suddenly felt homesick. I missed home- my real home. I missed the way that my own bed felt and the bounciness of the mattress. I missed the way my home looked, the way that the doors of my wardrobe were being kept up by elastic bands and duct tape. I missed the way that my home smelled of Sta-Soft (fabric softener) and pine gel (surface cleaner). Hell, I missed the way that my water tasted. 

And soon enough, sitting on that couch and staring at the TV blankly didn’t help me one bit so I just stood to my feet and made my way out the door. I didn’t even care to put on a pair of shoes, all I did was chuck my bonnet off my head and leave it on the couch. I, as silently as possible, turned the key and managed to open the door without so much as a squeak. I know that it’s not the bravest or wisest decision but I just needed to take a breather. I needed some air. I felt suffocated. 

I closed the door behind me and promised myself that it was only going to be a five minute walk up and down the street and I would come back as soon as possible and no one would notice that I was ever gone. 

I closed my eyes and smiled, embracing the chilly air that hit my exposed arms. I was barely dressed, only wearing a white tank top with one of Alessandro’s basketball shorts that I wore to bed. I was barefoot and I regretted not having worn my glasses because I could barely see but I didn’t care. It felt good to get out of that house and just be alone, with no one else surrounding me. I enjoyed the feel of the ground beneath my feet and I began to hum to La Vita Nuova, remembering how I had fallen in love with opera because of this masterpiece song and a very special music teacher who saw the world in me.