Claude De Alger Obelia x Reader

Just wanted to vent

hi everyone, this is not a new chapter or a part of the story i just wanted to vent my feelings. currently ive not been feeling well and i feel like i want to die but im so scared of what the outcome will be. first of all suicide is a sin and i dont want to do that and second of all, im so tired of living like do i even have a purpose in this world, everything has been going downhill. i dont feel like myself anymore. people have been body shaming me, bullying me and my dad just died last month which makes things alot worse. ive been cutting myself behind my moms back because i dont want to make her more sad than she is now. its crazy, you see that person every single day, you see them smiling, laughing and then suddenly they just leave you behind when youre at your worst, like why didnt he fight even just a little bit. you know what my dad said when the doctors ask how many kids he have when he started to hallucinate, he said that he has 1 architect, 1 pilot and 1 doctor my sister was the architect my brother was the pilot and i was the doctor, but you see we are still not those things were still in college and it just shows how much he cares and believes in us. after his funeral my so called friends talked behind my back and made fun of me for being fatherless, i was slowly losing the motivation to live, it seemed like everyone around me was talking shit about me . the bullies didnt stop bullying me and they just add up more and more. did god do this to me on purpose, is god testing me to see if im strong enough,what did we do to make god do this, i dont know what to do anymore, when i walk the streets of our town when i walk by them they stare at me like im so different from them, i feel like i dont belong anymore, i wish i could turn back time and just enjoy the life i had before, where we were carefree when we were happy when we had no problems to worry about. ever since covid came to this world my whole entire life changed, when quarantine started my dad worked day and night and i wasnt able to talk to him that much which breaks my heart so much, i heard on the internet the first thing you forget about someone is their voice and i dont want to forget anything about my dad. im left with a dead end and i dont know what to do or where to go. you know the human heart is such a fragile thing its like glass the trusted so many people in holding it but they always end up letting go of your fragile heart even if they know how breakable it is. my only true friend died due to being cyberbullied, its so funny that people can think of such hurtful words so quickly and not even think of the outcome of it they dont know that the words they say hurt more than anything in in the world your brain wasnt made to think such things its supposed to help people not hurt all the time i go to any app theres always bad people, we say things about people they dont even know anything about. this world is nothing but a trash world fulled of people who dont care of others feelings , finding true people here can take so long , maybe years. they say wait for that something thathelps live but ive been waiting so long and i cant take it anymore, my heart is broken to too many pieces its impossble to put back together, i want to die because when you die all your prroblems go away you can live in peace and no one can say anything about you. i just wanna live in peace where ever things is alright no bad in the world this days kids already attempt to kill themselves, what kind of world do we live in. you know the best way to torture someone isnt by physical pain its by mental pain. just break someones heart can kll them inside so my advice to you guys pls be careful on what you say and dont end up like me a useless author who lost everything

due to this likt before i will be putting this on hold until i find the will to live cause i cant take it anyore i just need a god damn break from this world im so done with my life