GUILTY HERO

01. The Reason

It had been nine years.

Nine years since you had last seen him; nine years since you had last spoken.

A lot can change in such a long period, and a lot did change, but not a single day had gone by without you reminiscing about your past, lamenting your present, and mourning your future.

Not one day of those nine years had passed without him in mind.

You were only children.

As ten-year-olds, an age where your biggest concern should have been memorizing the multiplication table and your biggest pain the scrapes left on your knees after long hours in the playground, you had instead found yourself being indoctrinated, taught of the atrocities committed by your ancestors, and your responsibility to shoulder and atone for them.

But you were born and had grown up in Liberio. You had never set foot outside it. You had never been to the stolen lands in the history books and never harmed anyone.

So, how was that fair?

By the time you turned twelve, you had already been introduced to the cruelty of this world first-hand. You had realized that no atonement was ever going to change your worth in Marley's eyes, that you were to them nothing more than mere weapons, sent to shed blood in their name, and that you were doomed to be devils forever.

There was no escaping the blood coursing in your veins. There was not a thing you could do for them to perceive you as human, let alone consider you one of them.

And if only Reiner had accepted this truth as well. Though the path to redemption had been drilled into you, it had all been there, before him, but his denial had proved greater—his desire to become a hero far more extreme.

With hindsight, a part of you couldn't blame him; you were kids. But the other part, the one that had always pleaded with him and tried to pry his eyes open to the harsh reality, was still and would always be bitter.

"The Warriors are coming back from Slava," your mother said as she walked into the drawing room where you were working on your embroidery. "I am going to accompany Mrs. and Mr. Braun to welcome Gabi and Reiner."

"Good."

Your name was cooed as she approached you. "Are you sure you don't want to come? Reiner has been asking about you every time. He will be happy to see you."

You scoffed.

Why did he even bother? As if he suddenly cared? What was the point? What difference would that make? What would it bring you besides pain and heartache and lay open old wounds you were still struggling to heal?

You shook your head, returning your attention to the dress in your hands, and she left with a sigh.

Why your mother was so persistent, you understood. Because you needed some semblance of closure. Because unless you confronted him, you would remain miserable for the rest of your life. Because you were at the dawn of your bloom, and the possibility of it passing by without you ever finding a spouse was starting to become more likely.

She was anxious for you and deep down still held onto the hope that you would somehow become his wife.

It didn't matter that you would be widowed in a few years or that your children would be left without a father, all that mattered to her was the title. Honorary Marleyan.

This was the main reason she had been and still was in favor of the match. But even though your mother's greed had blinded her, not everyone around you had been oblivious to the sincerity of your feelings for him. His family, your neighbors, even the guards at the gates. They all knew. Everyone saw how you were around him. Everyone noticed the glint of innocent love in your eyes when he stood too close. How it still manifested when his name was mentioned. Blood still rushed to your cheeks at the thought of how you used to be teased about it.