GUILTY HERO

03. Memory Lane

Upon waking up that afternoon, your mother had informed you that Reiner had been gone for some time.

Aside from your silent pleas for him to stay by your side, you had no recollections of what had happened or how you'd found yourself in that vulnerable situation, but those had been reason enough for you to spend the rest of that day reprimanding yourself.

Why had you allowed your emotions to overpower you so?

You had never deceived yourself nor tried to make your feelings what they were not. But you'd never thought they'd betray you this way. The last thing you'd wanted was to give Reiner the satisfaction of knowing that while he had been away chasing his dreams, you'd sat at home mourning your crushed ones.

You had wallowed in embarrassment every time you'd remembered how you'd helplessly reached for his hand as if you hadn't been the one shunning him whenever he'd been in town or the one who'd sworn to never speak to him again.

It had taken a couple of agonizing days for you to overcome your mortification, only by then realizing that there had been no news of Reiner since that morning.

At first, you'd convinced yourself that it had been for the better. But the longer no contact had been made, the more doubts had started to creep in.

Your agitation had grown to the point where you had found yourself anticipating your mother's return from the Brauns just to see if Reiner had inquired after you. But when she had relayed nothing by the third visit, your brain had directly jumped to conclusions, persuading you that he had simply visited to rejoice in your misfortune, that he had only stayed with you out of pity, and that he now saw you as pathetic and had been steering clear of you.

That night had been spent tossing and turning as these thoughts, particularly the last one, had gnawed at you, almost driving you to a state of lunacy.

Who did think he was to show up, make you crumble like that, and leave again without being held accountable?

Was it absurd? In retrospect, yes, it was.

Reiner had never made nor broken any promises to you. He didn't owe you anything. But the good sense you'd always prided yourself on had long been shut off, and you would be damned before you allowed him to take satisfaction in your misery over the past nine years.

He might have been its cause, his choices might have broken you, but you hadn't given up. You had pushed through and still would long after he'd be gone. Your life hadn't and wouldn't stop because of his absence. He needed to understand that.

And so, with indignation fueling you, you found yourself rounding the alley to this house the next evening. Courage still high in your system, you wasted no time to knock. His mother opened the door shortly after, and only at her sight was your bubble burst.

Her surprise at your being there was evident, but it didn't compare to yours. She didn't question it, though, surely assuming you wanted to see Reiner.

In your panic, you plastered a smile and slurred out a lie, something about your mother sending you to get a pan or a casserole, but you froze when a deep voice sounded behind you. It instantly awakened the same emotions as last time, but the familiarity made them less overpowering, and you managed to stay grounded despite the avalanche wrecking your insides.

You didn't dare look up when Reiner stopped beside you and greeted you and completely missed when he said that he was glad to see you there. His mother urged you both to come inside, but Reiner opted to go for a walk, and she waved you off, reminding you to stop by again on your way home to take the pan.

You wanted to disappear.

"Is there somewhere you want to go?" he asked and, when you shook your head, stepped forward to lead the way.